My dad died a few years ago at 51, so be happy you still have yours in your life.
Aging Parents
- Thread starter JusHappy2BeHere
- Start date
Dealing with something similar with my mother. I am having a hard time accepting it. For so long they are that constant something solid in your life. With the roles reversing I hope I can be half as solid as she was.
To everyone who has lost their parents or grandparents in this thread please accept my condolences.
Happy would in house care be a viable option?
My folks are 78 and 76 they are pretty independent still, they just need some help here and there. I'm the closest so I just kind of do it no real major issues yet. Going to be rough when their gone though.
Happy would in house care be a viable option?
My folks are 78 and 76 they are pretty independent still, they just need some help here and there. I'm the closest so I just kind of do it no real major issues yet. Going to be rough when their gone though.
Have a mother and mother in law in the same apartment complex. One 95 one 85 Both moved in in the last 3 years in the city where we live. Both my father and father in law passed in the last few years long drawn out deaths. Take it as it comes.
Last edited:
My father was born & raised on a ranch in the Hill Country, and has been an independant cuss his entire life. After the death of my step mother, we tried to be supportive of him staying in his home with part-time in-home care, but he hated that. Problem was, he has some Lewy body symptoms, and would forget things on the stove and in the oven. He would sleep walk and end up out on the street. Two years ago, we finally got him to move to an assisted living situation (private apartment with group meals) in Bryan, right next door to my sister in College Station. He's an Aggie and a WWII vet, and so are most of the men there. He just celebrated his 95th birthday. He has mellowed to the life there, and we are MUCH less worried about him now.
It was a struggle getting him to give up his "independence", but it wasn't safe for him any more, and none of us lived near him in Phoenix. I'm in Iowa, and middle sis lives in the Seattle area. I feel your struggle...but if you find the right place, your dad may be happier in the long run, and you will have more peace of mind.
Worst day of my life. I was 19 and Soph at Iowa State. My dad died of massive heart attack. Mom died 15 years later of dementia. Sometimes life really sucks. If you have relatively healthy parents over the age of 70 consider yourself blessed ...and let them know that. Often.
Talked to them tonight on the phone. The place they live isn't going to be able to start working on relocating them to the assisted living area of the campus before Monday at the earliest. No idea how long it will take because Weekend... Mrs. JusHappy is driving out tomorrow, Houston to Newton to take the caretaker role and let them both rest.... probably serve as a buffer between them too.... Once we know more about moving I'll fly one way to help with that part and then just drive back with her. By next week my brother will be available to come if he is still needed.
His older sister and younger sister are both in Winston-Salem but obviously neither is in shape to be a lot of help.
good genes
My father's goal is to outlast HIS father, who lived to about 4 months past his 95th birthday. His older & younger brother died 5 and 9 years ago, respectively. We were just there at the end of January...he informed me on the phone today that I might not want to wait until September to come back down because once he hits that target date all bets are off. I told him he'd just have to wait because I refuse to come to Texas in July or August.
Did I mention that I'm as tough & stubborn an old coot as Daddy?
My dad died 3 years ago at age of 91. He was in Alzheimer's unit in a nursing home due to the fact that he would escape the bldg as in the regular unit he could watch the nurses punch out and know the code. He could carry on a good conversation until the last week. I got to be the only one there the night before he went to sleep never to wake up. Quite an experience as he was talking to people that have long since passed like they were right there and then said he loved me and went to sleep. My mother was in the same nursing home and died 11/2 years ago. She was very alert and could carry on a great conversation until the last 3 days. They were in a nursing home about 2 hours away. Dont let that get in the way of spending time with the folks. As for our situation, I retired at the end of the year as was the plan for about a year. My wife was having some respiratory challenges on and off, and had even been to Mayo but no one could find anything. We went to Florida shortly after the first of this year with several other stops planned. As we got to Miami, her oxygen need increased, we went to ER in downtown Miami (experience in itself, but great care) They drained a bunch of fluid from the lungs and found some adenocarcinoma cells the day we were going to leave. We talked them into leaving She was some better after the drainage so we drove back north and stopped in St Louis to see some older relatives and our son, and then north. At Iowa City, she decided we should go to the ER at Mayo. We got right in and with the diagnosis from Miami they started right on it. I was not planning on being the whole care giver but that is what i am. My wife has taken care of me for 40 years, it is now my turn. A vendor from my old office called not knowing my situation and said he heard the job of retirement is never done....Ain't that the truth.
I get to clean house, laundry, food (but lots of folks dropping stuff off) and soon outside stuff. My wife is feeling much better with 3 chemo plus immunity stimulants with 1 more scheduled. Prognosis not too long term...
As a result of that we have contacts to a MD in California, that is Chinese and due to his own health problems years ago, turned to Chinese medicine. We will be flying out to start his therapy soon. Not that it is going to heal things , but his theory about cancer is totally different than Mayo and just looking for more answers. Mayo is good but 97% people that take chemo are dead in 5 years. We would like to see if that can be extended.
Sorry so long, I havenot yet come to terms with everything
Blessings to all that dealing with similar circumstances. Time is a great thing to spend with folks that may not be around long. Remember that could be anyone you know including you.
I get to clean house, laundry, food (but lots of folks dropping stuff off) and soon outside stuff. My wife is feeling much better with 3 chemo plus immunity stimulants with 1 more scheduled. Prognosis not too long term...
As a result of that we have contacts to a MD in California, that is Chinese and due to his own health problems years ago, turned to Chinese medicine. We will be flying out to start his therapy soon. Not that it is going to heal things , but his theory about cancer is totally different than Mayo and just looking for more answers. Mayo is good but 97% people that take chemo are dead in 5 years. We would like to see if that can be extended.
Sorry so long, I havenot yet come to terms with everything
Blessings to all that dealing with similar circumstances. Time is a great thing to spend with folks that may not be around long. Remember that could be anyone you know including you.
Mother died when I was 9 and she was 45. Father died when I was 19 and he was 55. Cherish what you have. Agree with @80sClone whole heartedly. There's so many random things I wish I could just ask.
I will say I have no idea how I would've handled them in their later years though. I almost feel like it's worse to see them slowly flame out than go in a puff a smoke.
I don't really have any advice. Just you guys are all good people and I'm sure you'll figure out what's best no matter what.
I will say I have no idea how I would've handled them in their later years though. I almost feel like it's worse to see them slowly flame out than go in a puff a smoke.
I don't really have any advice. Just you guys are all good people and I'm sure you'll figure out what's best no matter what.
I'm at that age with my parents and my wife's parents where we know that our lives and priories are going to change soon based on their health. Both of of our parents are in their early 70's and my wife's father has really has his struggles with is health this year being diagnosed with lung cancer late last year and has been in and out of the hospital this year. He's in that generation that ignored health issues because there was work to be done on the farm and you just gutted out the pain to get things done and now it has caught up to him. My dad has some of the same characteristics but luckily we convinced him to get a sleep study done years ago and sleeping with a cpap machine and walking more has rejuvenated him so he can enjoy being a Grandpa and still do chores on the farm while having more energy.
I am so glad that you were watching him for warning signs and got him treatment quickly.
I have been offline for most of the past week because my grandma, who is like a mother to me, passed away on Thursday night. She has been battling several diseases for a long time, but it was fairly sudden. It is devastating and leaves a hole in you - I hope that you get to spend tons of time with him.
I have been offline for most of the past week because my grandma, who is like a mother to me, passed away on Thursday night. She has been battling several diseases for a long time, but it was fairly sudden. It is devastating and leaves a hole in you - I hope that you get to spend tons of time with him.
We all take our parents for granted until it's almost too late... My Dad is 74 and is spiraling toward dementia/alzheimers... his father had it early so my father always worried about it.
I don't tell him he's forgetting things even though he just repeats himself over and over again. He can't remember anything about the day but he sure remembers all the Cyclone games from years past. He can recall all of the Seneca football games like they were yesterday and it makes me realize that I'll be saying the same things to my daughter about the Campbell and Prohm games to her... enjoy the moment because life goes so fast
I don't tell him he's forgetting things even though he just repeats himself over and over again. He can't remember anything about the day but he sure remembers all the Cyclone games from years past. He can recall all of the Seneca football games like they were yesterday and it makes me realize that I'll be saying the same things to my daughter about the Campbell and Prohm games to her... enjoy the moment because life goes so fast
Check out a book called To our Children’s Children by Bob Greene. It’s a book of prompts to help older members of the family share memories and family history with younger members. It includes questions like, Did your father have any sayings or dad jokes? Were you a rebel as a child? Do you have any family heirlooms and what are their stories? etc.
It’s a great way to start a conversation and learn more about your parents’ and grandparents’ lives, thoughts, stories, etc.
It’s a great way to start a conversation and learn more about your parents’ and grandparents’ lives, thoughts, stories, etc.
Does anyone have any advise or experience in dealing with parents/loved ones and getting them to stop driving. We are above 75% sure they would fail a driving or vision test but their license is valid for 4 more years.
Already tried to bring it up once and that went extremely poorly. I know giving up their mobility and individual freedom is tough but we care for their safety and the safety of other on the roads and sidewalks (especially kids who run into the road blindly).
I know there are services available to pick up elderly parents and take them to services but that offer wasn't received well.
Already tried to bring it up once and that went extremely poorly. I know giving up their mobility and individual freedom is tough but we care for their safety and the safety of other on the roads and sidewalks (especially kids who run into the road blindly).
I know there are services available to pick up elderly parents and take them to services but that offer wasn't received well.
Last resort is just selling the car without telling them or reporting this to the DMV. But we would like this to be a mutual decision and it to start soon (like today soon)
Life is tough. Remember going to a cemetery on Memorial day with my dad once and he told me he felt humble because he knew half the people that were on the grave stones.
Am blessed so far as dad is now 87 and mom 77 and they are both in relatively good shape and living independently. Hope that continues for a long time, but know life will throw us a curve ball eventually.
As many have said, cherish your parents. One day they'll be gone and you'll feel like an orphan.
Am blessed so far as dad is now 87 and mom 77 and they are both in relatively good shape and living independently. Hope that continues for a long time, but know life will throw us a curve ball eventually.
As many have said, cherish your parents. One day they'll be gone and you'll feel like an orphan.