Welcome to the new weekly series: Why your town sucks. Twice per week I'll highlight one of the bland, dangerous, or outright worthless towns in Iowa.
Some people love where they're from. Here's why they shouldn't.
Your Town: Waukee. Population 23,940 (+73.6% from 2010)
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Waukee was founded in 1869 and is named after the Milwaukee Railroad. Like power tools and cheap beer, Waukee shares a naming heritage with the Brew City. It was recently noted as Money Magazine’s 11th best place to live in the US, slightly above a city in Alabama.
For most of its history, Waukee was like any other small farming community. It wasn’t until the 2000s that housing developers conned the state’s college graduates that moving into a taupe (now white) house is in demand for their growing family. With trim and kitchen cabinet options ranging from white to slightly-off-white, housing choice in Waukee really is in a league of its own. Little Emma, Olivia, Mason, and Noah deserve the best childhood, which can only be found - not in Des Moines - but slightly outside of Des Moines.
Waukee’s city hall is in a strip mall along a highway and the city is home to a
cancelled delayed Apple data center. It truly is a town for the discerning up-and-comer. Iowa State graduates can relive their glory years at the nearby Mickey’s Irish pub, located in a strip mall, while Iowa graduates can relive their glory years at Norm’s Pub, which “Serves all of Dallas County.” While there is no Target store here, there is a Starbucks (only accessible from the highway). 1 out of 2 ain’t bad.
Waukee went evenly for Trump and Biden in 2020, which goes to show you can’t judge a book by its tract-housing cover.
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Your County: Dallas County. Population 99,678 (+50.7% since 2010).
Dallas County is the 7th most populated county in Iowa. The US government bought it from the local Native Americans for $16,000. Settlers immediately moved in, began farming soybeans, field corn, and building strip malls.
From 2010-2020 Dallas County was the fastest-growing county in Iowa. Five of the top ten largest cities in the county are mostly located in Polk County, making Waukee the largest city located completely in Dallas County. The county is home to both suburban and rural towns, although rural towns like Adel seem to be growing with the same style tract housing. Waukee-style living must be contagious. Beyond all this, towns in Dallas County look like they’re gerrymandered as hell.
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Your High School: Waukee High School and Northwest High School
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Waukee High School is the older of the two high schools, with Northwest being the newest high school in the state. Unlike smaller towns where children can walk to school, this monstrosity is plopped in the middle of a farm field, requiring mothers to pack up their Yukons and Suburbans each morning to drop off their children who haven’t yet received a car for their 16th birthday. Waukee schools rate a 6/10 on greatschools.com. Not too shabby.
Besides
clown sightings, and
bullying by jocks, Waukee is known for their successful boys and girls basketball teams, with both teams winning the state tournament in 2021. Both games were against Johnston, a totally different suburb full of totally different people.
Northwest students are known as the Wolves and have not won any state tournaments. As of this writing, their graduation rate is 0%.
The Waukee school district made recent national headlines regarding books available in their high school libraries. we’d expand on this, but no politics allowed.
Your college: Most families in Waukee urge higher education for their children and are attracted by their proximity to both University of Phoenix Des Moines Campus and Purdue Global Des Moines Campus. Each school has a 100% acceptance rate. Iowa State flags are seen on houses, along with House Divided rocks in the front landscaping for older homeowners.
Your mayor: Courtney Clarke
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Her bio claims she “Led discussions on housing diversity for growing population”. That diversity includes subdivisions as varied as Prairie Rose, Prairie Village, Stone Prairie, Kettlestone Prairie, and Prairie Crossing.
Your elected representative: Cindy Axne, Iowa’s lone Democratic House member. She won her last election by 1.3%.
Your industries: Shottenkirk Chevy, which is on the “Waukee side of West Des Moines.” The Chamber says Waukee is the “Key to Good Living” and they use
papyrus on their website. Other than that, Waukee is bedroom community, where most workers commute elsewhere becasue even they can't stand being in Waukee all day .
Famous People: Jake Knott. Jake was the first commitment for Iowa State football coach, Paul Rhoads. A fan favorite while at Iowa State, Jake recorded 8 NFL tackles. For reference, his former Cyclone teammate, AJ Klein, has 428 tackles. Jake
is most famous for stealing over $750 in gun accessories from a store in Ankeny. Life is tough on the mean streets of suburban Des Moines.
What's new that sucks: Like most of the western Des Moines suburbs, miles upon miles of tract housing. There is a new YMCA and an assortment of auto parts stores. The new Hyvee has a craft beer selection because Old Milwaukee doesn’t sell in new Waukee.
What has always sucked: Hickman Road. Is this a highway, a main street, a focal point of town?
What doesn't totally suck: Waukee Ice Cream Shop Support small businesses.
