Two words: Western Sizzlin'. Back in 1996 I took a job in Richmond, VA. I had to move out there w/out my wife for a bit while we waited for the house to sell in DSM. My first couple of weeks I stayed in a Comfort Inn and ate at local restaurants. The first night I at a chain called Western Sizzlin' which is basically a Golden Corral. I finished eating my steak and drove next door to run into a Winn Dixie (grocery store) to grab a Sunday paper to peruse for apartments and job ads that might fit my wife. I parked out front and walked into the store, grabbed a paper, and proceeded toward the checkout lanes. Suddenly I felt a bit of urgency... and thought... ****ing Western Sizzlin...
I uncomfortably looked for where the restrooms might be. I couldn't tell if it was at the front of the store or back, and that momentary pondering was too much and the urge became a clear and present danger. I decided my best bet was out the door and maybe around the corner of the store. I gingerly headed the 12 steps toward the sliding doors. Two steps past the threshold and it was too late. I couldn't even make it to the side of the building so I walked to the SUV. The floodgates opened and with each gingerly step there was more and more. I laughed out loud alone in a dark parking lot and thought... "now what?" I pulled a sleeping bag out of the back of the SUV that I had packed for the cross-country drive, and spread it over the car seat, and climbed in doing all that I could to drive with my butt lifted so it wouldn't touch the seat. I drove the 1/4 mile to the hotel and pulled into the parking lot and thought... "now what?" I couldn't just walk through the lobby! So I decided I needed to go to the end of the building near the elevator. I got out of the car and headed up the sidewalk, only to see people walking down the hallway toward the elevator (or door I was trying to get in). But it forced me to think "what if you get on the elevator and somebody else gets on or is standing there when you go to exit the elevator!!!??" After a couple of minutes and nobody coming out the side door I headed in. I reached down and peglegged/rolled the cuffs of my jeans tight. I tucked in the door and immediately shot around the corner up the stairs. I ran up the four floors skipping every other step as I hurried up as fast as I could. I stuck my head in the hallway and saw it was clear and started down the hall to my room... but a cuff came slightly undone.
I got into my hotel room and immediately jumped in the shower to disrobe, laughing out loud at myself. I tossed my wallet and contents of my pockets across the bathroom onto the counter and shoved my jeans, underwear, and socks into the trashbag. I showered up, using all the soap available to me, and thought... "now what?" I couldn't just leave the trashbag in my room; I was going to need to find a trash can to get rid of the "evidence". I decided to go back outside near my car to the trash can by the side entrance. But again... what if somebody what on the elevator?? So I headed to the stairwell, only to see that about every 6' or so there was a small spot on the hallway floor... the exact distance of where my left foot hit the floor with each step where my pantleg had uncuffed... yep... THAT was on the floor. Mortified yet laughing I headed down the stairwell and out the door to the trashcan. From there I headed to the car and checked the sleeping bag. While relatively ok it was not worth salvaging, and to the trash it went too. I rolled the windows back up on the car and headed upstairs, on the elevator this time, smelling of hotel soap... a LOT of hotel soap.
I changed hotels the next day.
It's funny how embarrassing that was, especially considering there was nobody around but me. Not a single witness in that entire situation. But it is still the most embarrassed I've ever been. And I've never eaten at a Western Sizzlin, Golden Corral, Ponderosa, etc ever since.
