Things your kids have said

[hawkeye_t]

I had one back in the day when we lived out West when my oldest was in daycare before either my birthday or Father’s Day. They did those interview sheets where they ask the kid questions like how old is your dad, how much does your dad weigh, etc. They asked him who is your dad’s favorite team. He answered the god damn Hawkeyes. In fairness, it was the Zach McCabe led hoops team. Not my proudest moment.

 

[simply1]

2 year old is very liberal with his use of the word no lately.

Give mommy kiss.
Um no.

 

[ISUinOR]

Back when we only had two kids, traveling from in-laws with ice on the roads and more coming down. Begged husband just to stop and get a room somewhere. Finally after a pickup spins out and comes inches from crashing into us, he says we will pull over at the next stop for a while. Youngest, who was three, marches into a truckstop and tells the cashier and the customers in line, “My Daddy just tried to kill us all. Mommy was praying.”

Cashier looks at me and says, “You want me to call the authorities?”

On the walk to school in 4th grade, my kid decided to tell the other kids something along the lines of "my dad beats me" for some reason. Uh, I didn't, for those who were wondering. One of the neighbor girls told her teacher or principal what he said. Honestly, good on That little girl for telling someone, but it lead to some uncomfortable circumstances.

Wife and I got a call and visit (interview) from Child Protective Services, kid got taken to local hospital for a physical and questioning. Long story short, everything worked out. BUT, kid learned a big lesson that he had to watch what he says if he didn't want to be taken from mom and dad.

That was a good 10 years ago. I need to ask him if he remembers the time he nearly had himself taken into protective custody.

P.S. - He got a good ass whoopin' later that night! I kid, I kid.

 

[frackincygy]

My mom is the "head" of a daycare center the other week she shared a story where a child combined the stories of Golidlocks and the Three Bears and the Christian Easter story. Something along these lines:

"One day Jesus walked into a house where three bears live. He sat at the table to have some soup. The first bowl was too hot, the next bowl too cold, the turd (third) was juuust right - so he ate it. Then he wanted to take a nap. The first bed was too soft, the next was too hard, the turd (third) was juuust right - so he fell asleep. Then he woke up and wanted to watch TV, the first chair was too big, the next was too small and Jesus broke it so he ran out of the house and died. Then on the turd (third) day he rose and went to heaven. THE END."

 

[Jeremy]

Damn, wife is wicked, did the boy have a comeback?

No - I felt pretty embarrassed from both sides. I think it was mostly just shame that she beat me to the comeback.

 

[Cyclones_R_GR8]

2 year old is very liberal with his use of the word no lately.

Give mommy kiss.
Um no.

It's one of the words they hear the most so it's just natural for them to start using it a lot.

 

[Cyfan1965]

I listened to a lot of Dubliners when my son was young. Age two he pops his head over the arm rest waiting for mom. "You can stick your English permit we want your motor car"

 

[IsUaClone2]

When my granddaughter was three, I babysat her each Friday morning while my daughter was "Room Mom" for my grandson's kindergarten class. Once, when I went into my granddaughter's bedroom to get her dressed, she was jumping up and down on her bed repeatedly singing "Brendan (her brother), is a poo-poo head." I told her not to use that word and, if she continued to use it she would have to go sit in her time-out chair. She stopped. The next week I go into her room and she's jumping again and says, "Grandpa, I made up a new song." As I get her clothes out I say "Well let's hear it." She starts singing "la-la-la, dee-dee, duh-duh, poo-poo..." I tell her she still can't say that word or else... So she stops. The third week I come in and she says, very excitedly, "Grandpa, grandpa. Guess what? We going to have Chinese dinner tonight and guess what I'm going to have...the Pu-Pu platter! HA-HA-HA-HA." I had to let her have that one.

When my youngest brother was a toddler a banana was a namby-nam, an elbow was a belbo, and a hamburger was a hang-ga-burr.

 

[PaulDInboundPas]

Kid is going through first communion classes. After a session, the teacher comes up to me and says my kid asked this during class "How many hosts until you get a full Jesus?"

 

[Cy4Lifer]

I tend to hold on to and use the words they say wrong when they’re little. Stuff like…

Menards=Benards
Banana=Meena
Incredible=Crebigal
The puppies are bubbies

A fee from my grands to add…
Grapes=Geeps
Blueberries=Baby Geeps
French Fries=Shren Shries
Swim Suit=Tim Toot
And very appropriately, right about when TFG was elected Prez…
McDonald’s=The Donald’s

 

[Angie]

This wasn’t his best work by far, but took our second grader in to the pediatrician this week. She wrote down “poor growth for five months” on a piece of paper. He read it over her shoulder and said, “‘Poor growth?!’ That’s arguable.”

 

[somecyguy]

Not so much a specific saying but more a scene. We are visiting Chicago and spent the day doing the normal touristy things around the Loop and such. Taking the L back to our hotel near Ohare. It's close to 10pm, everyone is tired, including the 7 or 8 others in the car likely on their way home from work.

Only one not tired is my 5yo who got his second wind. He starts chatting up the people around him and before you know it, he's standing on his seat essentially doing a 5yo stand up comedy routine. To his credit, he had everyone in that car laughing until we reach the end of the line.

I'm sure those people remember the funny kid on their way home from work.