How do you react?

[heitclone]

I was thinking the same thing - it's overly simplistic to say "you have only been together six months" from the outside, when you have no idea what the quality of those six months has been. Yes, she kissed someone else, and that's serious - but nobody except her and the dude even know the circumstances.

My personal opinion? Keep talking to her and see how sorry she really is, and what the circumstances were. She may just be sorry now because she was caught, or she may be truly and deeply apologetic. Only time and introspection on her part will tell you the answer to that.

I think the main point of bringing up the young age is it can show a lack of experience in relationships. I think you make a great point, its a really good learning experience not only for this problem but the others that come with a commitment.

My biggest concern is that they've only been together for 6 months. How long were they together BEFORE they moved in. I think thats what seperates this from all of the examples people give of "my wife and I met in...". For every example of that there are countless numbers of saps who weren't ready to handle an adult relationship. I don't think age effects the seriousness of a relationship but the move to live together seems really premature, and may have sped up the relationship unintentionally. You see this all the time, from people of all ages. It doesn't mean their not in love or aren't perfect for each other, it just means relationships are really tough and unexpected things come up all the time.

Sorry to say this buddy but I'm guessing the odds are better she'll end up with this friend than you man. Good luck to ya, I hope you things work out for the best.

 

[cmhawks99]

How do you know what his relationship with his then-girlfriend was? Living together doesn't necessarily imply sex. I'm just always amazed at how much people read into situations.

Very, very true Angie.................I'll point out though that he has had ample opportunity to dispute the “sexâ€￾ thing. Based on his repping of my post I also get the sense that he has a God base, so he knows where it is coming from.

You are right though people and me in particular read a lot between the lines and sometimes we miss.

Chad

 

[907CY]

The young lady did the right thing in leaving to stay with her mother. You two need some space and time to sort things out. Go on with your life and give yourself some time to heal. I would suggest you two move slowly and rebuild the trust factor if possible. If not, keep your chin up and get out there and see what else if available. Kick the tires before you buy the car a couple of times.

 

[cmhawks99]

Of course you can find married couples who agree with you. For some couples, living together isn't the right move. For some it is. You can't make a blanket statement that it is always the wrong choice, because human beings are individuals with different values, wants, and needs.

If you look at it with a truly open mind, free from outdated dogma, it's hard to debate that living together prior to marriage is absolutely the best design and right choice in certain circumstances.

I don’t imagine this is thread for a religion speech, though I must say to you. If you are suggesting the Bible is out dated, you’ll be interested in knowing it has been tested over time for 3500 plus years and still holds up today.

It has been questioned, attacked, said to be erroneous etc, and yet time after time it has later been proven to be right. So if that’s my “blanket†I’ll keep. Way smarter people than you and me, people learned in logic, life and the things of "Truth"! Have quoted it time and time again and still do today. If it were not outdated to them, it would seem quite presumptuous if not out and out arrogant to say it was for me.

Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, I’ve been on both sides of the track and as a result have the benefit of both thought processes. If a marriage works after living together it would have most likely worked prior. On the flip side it is like a bad novel the amount of people who have claimed to have lived together for years, that later got divorced after marriage.

People seem to think it is a good “dry†run and though logically that seems to make sense, to many times it has proven to be wrong. Living together to save money is also silly though we too told ourselves that.

Chad

 

[LonoClone]

I don’t imagine this is thread for a religion speech, though I must say to you. If you are suggesting the Bible is out dated, you’ll be interested in knowing it has been tested over time for 3500 plus years and still holds up today.

It has been questioned, attacked, said to be erroneous etc, and yet time after time it has later been proven to be right. So if that’s my “blanket” I’ll keep. Way smarter people than you and me, people learned in logic, life and the things of "Truth"! Have quoted it time and time again and still do today. If it were not outdated to them, it would seem quite presumptuous if not out and out arrogant to say it was for me.

Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, I’ve been on both sides of the track and as a result have the benefit of both thought processes. If a marriage works after living together it would have most likely worked prior. On the flip side it is like a bad novel the amount of people who have claimed to have lived together for years, that later got divorced after marriage.

People seem to think it is a good “dry” run and though logically that seems to make sense, to many times it has proven to be wrong. Living together to save money is also silly though we too told ourselves that.

Chad

If you are suggesting the Bible is out dated, you’ll be interested in knowing it has been tested over time for 3500 plus years and still holds up today.

It has been questioned, attacked, said to be erroneous etc, and yet time after time it has later been proven to be right.

I'll take Leviticus for the block. Deuteronomy too.

 

[cmhawks99]

I'll take Leviticus for the block.

LOL.........Good stuff.............................and a witty way to end our diatribe.

Chad

 

[LindenCy]

Just wanted to post a warning that the thread it getting a bit on the religious side, and although relevant to the conversation, I would hate to send this to the cave.

 

[Clone9]

My two cents...... I changed so much during college and shortly thereafter that it is impossible to imagine myself in a relationship now with the same person I was with then (I'm 30 and happily married now).

Allow yourself to mature and adapt to the new experience and knowledge that you gain in your late-teens/twenties. If you find yourself still with the same woman, great. If not, there will be more that are better for you. Do not lock yourself into a certain frame of being too early (or ever, for that matter).

 

[bugs4cy]

When I as 18 I thought I had really found 'the one'. I was pretty mature for my age and thought I had it figured out. Two of my brothers were happily married to their high school sweethearts so I had seen it work. Well ... we went off to ISU together - and yes, we found ourselves evolving into different people. We split - it it was hard, hard, hard. Fast forward 20 years and my 15th wedding anniversary is right around the corner. Did I marry that guy - um, no.

Question for you - how will you feel the next time she's going out with friends - including that guy she kissed? Can you honestly say it won't worry you? Believe me, life can be long and dreary when you don't trust those most close to you.

Legally, you're an adult when you turn 18. But the next 6-10 years of your life will provide you with experiences that will really form you. Life life to the fullest during these years. Fall in love and fall back out. Meet people that are outside you're regular world. Try new things. Push your comfort zone. At some point in time you're going to meet your best friend - your soulmate. And you're going to know she's the one because of those experiences that have expanded your view.

Good luck.

 

[Clones21]

Well today she came over for her lunch break and everything went really well. And today i went and bought her some Tulips that i'm going to surprise her with tonight

 

[wartknight]

Dude great move. If this girl will give it up to you without any level of commitment you'll want to stay with her as long as possible. Keep her happy

 

[hawkfan]

Can we get a pic? That way we know whether or not she is worth keeping :wink:

The only thing I want to add is this: to the poster above; what percentage of people do you think live together and REFRAIN from sex? I'm guessing the percentage is less than 0.01%. If you live together before marriage, it is going to mean premarital sex 99.9% of the time......I'm not saying that is a bad thing, I've got no problem with it, but living together will ALMOST always result in sexual involvement.

 

[Cyclone62]

dude your 18, and your already living together, no offense but thats the first mistake...ive been with the same girl for 2 years now and we havnt even thought about moving in together...if she really loves you after 6 months, but "cheated on you" then trust me dont waste your time, from my experience, thats just telling you what you want to hear..im sure you have strong feelings towards her and thats normal, but your still young, live it up if its meant to be itll work out

Well today she came over for her lunch break and everything went really well. And today i went and bought her some Tulips that i'm going to surprise her with tonight

Lordy. I'm sorry for what you are going through, but seriously. From everything you have said in this thread, you are going in the wrong direction.

6 months together and already moved in? Holy ****. I've been in the same relationship for 6 YEARS and we haven't moved in yet. Drop the daisies and don't reward someone for doing something that likely was only done because they ****ed up.

 

[Clones21]

Lordy. I'm sorry for what you are going through, but seriously. From everything you have said in this thread, you are going in the wrong direction.

6 months together and already moved in? Holy ****. I've been in the same relationship for 6 YEARS and we haven't moved in yet. Drop the daisies and don't reward someone for doing something that likely was only done because they ****ed up.

Id rather try to work it out then just to give up. I forgive, just like God has forgiving all of us.

 

[Drive4cy]

I'd move on from this girl but that's just from a similar experience I've had. I think everyone had a relationship like this when they were young that blows up in their face when they think they're in love. It's not worth it, man. Girls at that age have no clue what they want and guys have to accept that. At 19 or 20, a girl isn't ready to live with another guy and have that type of commitment, hints why she has already strayed this early in the relationship.

These are always tough situations at the time. Good luck.

 

[Tre4ISU]

Dude, you're 18. She obviously doesn't have as strong feelings about you that you do of her. Otherwise, she wouldn't have strayed. If you "forgive" her she will do it again. promise

And she's 19. I cannot really say what you should do either way because I am not in your position. What I can say is I have two pairs of friends. Both were together in high school and both had an instance of cheating in high school or the first year of college. In neither pair did the two attend the same school. Both sets are married and are perfectly happy. I also have friends that have been cheated on, as well as myself, and we didn't put up with it. Honestly, I regret not trying to work it out. It was a similar situation but we were not living together and it was in college. It wasn't anything serious but I did have the attitude that there were more fish in the sea and I could do better. Now, she is probably one of the best people I know, save that one instance. I think you need to look at the whole body of work. Have there been other problems? Does she do suspicious things?

I would also say the fact that she came out and told you is at least respectable. IMO, that is a sign she is sorry. Maybe she just wants you to break up with her and telling you was an out, but I don't really think so.

Like I said, this is your life, you have a lot in front of you. Asking us for help with this and what we say is irrelevant. You know the whole situation, we do not.

 

[deadeyededric]

I wouldn't have a girlfriend at 18. Be the biggest slut you can for the next 6-8 years then find a fat rich woman. You'll never get cheated on again!

 

[Frak]

To me, the key is if you are going to college or not. If you are in HS and heading off to college in the fall, then sure, try to work things out for the summer. You DON'T want a hometown GF if you are going to college. I tried that and it didn't work at all. She was always mentioning all these people she was hanging out with and then I wondered what was really going on. I felt guilty for leaving Ames and going home and I felt guitly for staying in Ames when I didn't. The breakup drug on (and off and on) my whole FR year. What a wasted year. You see someplace like Ames that has a TON of chicks just looking to test their boundaries...no parents, no supervision. You'd have to be crazy to have a GF living hours away in a place like that.

BTW, 18 is WAY too young to be living with a girl unless you are Mormon or Amish or something. Get out and experience life. Sign up for college and see what's out there. Nothing wrong with hitting that through August I guess, but I'd have a plan to end it by then. If a girl is kissing other guys at 6 months, you aren't going to get married anyway. And if you do, it's not going to end well IMO.

 

[twojman]

As others have said, I am much different now then when I was 18. Your thoughts change, your feelings change, your attitudes change and even your personality will change. If she is the 'one' for you great. Keep an open mind about things. ( I am not saying cheat!) I mean keep your mind open for signs from her and from yourself. I know this is tough but think with that thing between your shoulders. If you listen to that and not your heart you will be right a majority of the time.

FYI, I had the same thing happen when I was 19, we broke up. I felt like crap for about 3-4 months. I did things I wish I would not have done but it turned out to be the best thing for me.

My sis in law did the same thing. She is now married to the guy she was dating with two kids and is happy. They were both 19 at the time it happened, they have matured and know they now belong together.

 

[Tre4ISU]

To me, the key is if you are going to college or not. If you are in HS and heading off to college in the fall, then sure, try to work things out for the summer. You DON'T want a hometown GF if you are going to college. I tried that and it didn't work at all. She was always mentioning all these people she was hanging out with and then I wondered what was really going on. I felt guilty for leaving Ames and going home and I felt guitly for staying in Ames when I didn't. The breakup drug on (and off and on) my whole FR year. What a wasted year. You see someplace like Ames that has a TON of chicks just looking to test their boundaries...no parents, no supervision. You'd have to be crazy to have a GF living hours away in a place like that.

BTW, 18 is WAY too young to be living with a girl unless you are Mormon or Amish or something. Get out and experience life. Sign up for college and see what's out there. Nothing wrong with hitting that through August I guess, but I'd have a plan to end it by then. If a girl is kissing other guys at 6 months, you aren't going to get married anyway. And if you do, it's not going to end well IMO.

A lot of you have said this. Who made you the judge and jury here? I would say 6 months is probably a little early to be living together but they are 18, they can do what they wish.

I just see a lot of people on here talking about when you can or can't be at a certain point in a relationship. To each their own. Just because it isn't how you did it or had a bad experience or whatever doesn't mean it will work that way for everyone.

Frak-this wasn't an attack on you, you just had the closest post to quote.