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How do you react?

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Clones21

Clones21

Well-Known Member
Jan 20, 2008
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Des Moines
First off i am 18 years of age and a male. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. My girlfriend(which is 19, and we have been together for 6 months and live together) and I came home after i got out of school. She said she had to tell me something and that ended up being that she cheated on me with her best "guy" friend that she has known since she was like 3 years old. She said it was only a kiss. I know who the guy is and would have never thought he'd do something like that. Maybe it was an act of jealousy? We talked most of the night last night and we really want to make it work out. Shes going to go stay at her moms house for a while and i'm still in a world of hurt. She also feels really bad for what she did..but how do you react to something like this? I love this girl with all my heart..but i'm just not sure how to feel right now.
 
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Dude, you're 18. She obviously doesn't have as strong feelings about you that you do of her. Otherwise, she wouldn't have strayed. If you "forgive" her she will do it again. promise
 
She cheated with a kiss?

There is something else going on here (not saying sexual) but she is wondering if you are the guy she wants or not.


Living together outside of marriage I have a hard time with so maybe I am not the best person to ask, but living together after 6 months seems to me like a way to fast move.

At 18 and 19 you both still have a lot of growing to do, I really question if you even know what Love really, truly is at that point in your life.

My suggestion, live apart, quit fornecating and spend the next 12 months courting and see if without the sexyou both still feel the same way.
 
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cyeah said:
She cheated with a kiss?

There is something else going on here (not saying sexual) but she is wondering if you are the guy she wants or not.


Living together outside of marriage I have a hard time with so maybe I am not the best person to ask, but living together after 6 months seems to me like a way to fast move.

At 18 and 19 you both still have a lot of growing to do, I really question if you even know what Love really, truly is at that point in your life.

My suggestion, live apart, quit fornecating and spend the next 12 months courting and see if without the sexyou both still feel the same way.
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This is what we talked about
 
Honestly, if you are serious about this girl then she just did you a favor. It'll suck but its better in the long run, and you won't have wasted your time on an unfaithful person. On the other hand you're only 18, you've only been together 6 months, and this was only a kiss so maybe its not that big of a deal. The biggest issue is who it happened with, she's going to obviously want to continue being friends with this guy she's known so long, are you sure you can deal with that?
 
I agree with everyone. I met a girl at NIACC and we were together forever, she cheated on me and it tore me up, but at that age you must realize there are other women out there and if things are meant to be, they will be. I am now married and extremely happy.
 
cyeah said:
She cheated with a kiss?

There is something else going on here (not saying sexual) but she is wondering if you are the guy she wants or not.


Living together outside of marriage I have a hard time with so maybe I am not the best person to ask, but living together after 6 months seems to me like a way to fast move.

At 18 and 19 you both still have a lot of growing to do, I really question if you even know what Love really, truly is at that point in your life.

My suggestion, live apart, quit fornecating and spend the next 12 months courting and see if without the sexyou both still feel the same way.
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Can you hear me all the way back there in the 50's brah?
 
Dude. You are 18. You have been together for 6 months. Get rid of her and enjoy your bachelor bliss. Seriously, if you let this thing linger you will regret wasting time with this chick.
 
Your 18, play the field and live with a bunch of your buddies and party all the time. Move in with a girl when your older.
 
Well as Eric said it’s pretty cut and dried, though forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean you move on without consequences. There is truly too much here to randomly address on a message board, but most of these guys have made valid points. Guys like me, and Eric and probably the 1950’s dude (joke) attack these kinds of things from a Faith standpoint.

When I was 18, I chased every girl in 4 states and have the vivid thoughts and scars that come from that kind of life style. I really wish I could go back and undo much of that even though it was an instrument towards my salvation. The point being when I say what I say it isn’t just coming from a viewpoint of religiosity, as I too lived with a couple different women before marriage. It is NOT the best way however.

Furthermore you are 18 and it is entirely possible your thoughts are really much different than love and sex most assuredly blurs the line, no matter how much these others will disagree.

Finally although I believe in forgiveness for all, it is entirely possible this is just the beginning and for whatever reason, and at that age, girls or boys have a tendency to lose respect for those they “cheat” on. I’m sure there are instances where it was just an isolated thing and it has also been the beginning of a long arduous spiral.

Finally as another said I don’t see her stopping a life long friendship and that will frustrate you if nothing else.

Chad
 
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I think the big question is if you are a high school senior or a college freshman. If you are a high school senior...graduation is coming up, meaning your freshman year of college is coming up, meaning get rid of her. If you are a college freshman...well get rid of her anyway.
 
Just based on your OP, you are not mature enough for a serious relationship. Sorry if that seems harsh, but I'm older, will probably die sooner, and have been there....
 
cmhawks99 said:
Well as Eric said it’s pretty cut and dried, though forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean you move on without consequences. There is truly too much here to randomly address on a message board, but most of these guys have made valid points. Guys like me, and Eric and probably the 1950’s dude (joke) attack these kinds of things from a Faith standpoint.

When I was 18, I chased every girl in 4 states and have the vivid thoughts and scars that come from that kind of life style. I really wish I could go back and undo much of that even though it was an instrument towards my salvation. The point being when I say what I say it isn’t just coming from a viewpoint of religiosity, as I too lived with a couple different women before marriage. It is NOT the best way however.

Furthermore you are 18 and it is entirely possible your thoughts are really much different than love and sex most assuredly blurs the line, no matter how much these others will disagree.

Finally although I believe in forgiveness for all, it is entirely possible this is just the beginning and for whatever reason, and at that age, girls or boys have a tendency to lose respect for those they “cheat” on. I’m sure there are instances where it was just an isolated thing and it has also been the beginning of a long arduous spiral.

Finally as another said I don’t see her stopping a life long friendship and that will frustrate you if nothing else.

Chad
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It is NOT the best way however.
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Not the best way, for you. There needs to be a qualifier there, because a blanket statement saying that living together prior to marriage is always the wrong move is naive and ignorant. I know of many, many happy marriages where the couple lived together prior to being married, including my own. And I know of just as many marriages where the couple didn't live together prior to their wedding that have ended in divorce. It's an individual decision that every couple has to make on their own. For me, it was a logical choice. I was committed to my then girlfriend. I knew that marriage was a definite possibility in our relationship. So did she. We spent all of our time together anyway. It allowed us to save a ton of money which we were then able to use for our wedding and started us toward a down payment on a house. Living together was the best choice we could have made.
 
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Clones21 said:
First off i am 18 years of age and a male. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. My girlfriend(which is 19, and we have been together for 6 months and live together) and I came home after i got out of school. She said she had to tell me something and that ended up being that she cheated on me with her best "guy" friend that she has known since she was like 3 years old. She said it was only a kiss. I know who the guy is and would have never thought he'd do something like that. Maybe it was an act of jealousy? We talked most of the night last night and we really want to make it work out. Shes going to go stay at her moms house for a while and i'm still in a world of hurt. She also feels really bad for what she did..but how do you react to something like this? I love this girl with all my heart..but i'm just not sure how to feel right now.
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Don't worry about it. First, you're 18...second you were only together 6 months. If you feel that strongly about it, that angry or whatever, I would definitely just move on. It's not worth any future drama or anything.
 
With so many people saying "You're 18, you don't know what you want.." and what not, and I thought I would chime in. I met my wife in high school when I was 17, and we dated 5 years and have been married just under a year. It's easy to write off a teenage relationship, but if you really have chemistry with this person don't sell yourself short simply because the both of you are young.

On the other hand, however, I have also had some friends that dated a girl for 2-3 years while in this age range, got dumped or dumped the girl, and really regretted having wasted some of their best years with the same girl when it was somewhat obvious it wasn't going to work out.
 
Clonefan32 said:
With so many people saying "You're 18, you don't know what you want.." and what not, and I thought I would chime in. I met my wife in high school when I was 17, and we dated 5 years and have been married just under a year. It's easy to write off a teenage relationship, but if you really have chemistry with this person don't sell yourself short simply because the both of you are young.
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I agree. It's easy to play the "young and inexperienced" card, but everyone is different. My brother and his wife were a couple from their freshman years in high school. They've been married six years, now and are two of the most "in love" people I've ever met. I think they knew they were meant for each other since before they had their driver's licenses.
 
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