I came here to echo this exact sentiment!
Why is life worth living?
- Thread starter Jeremy
- Start date
. So family-friendly be damned! Post away! (please)
If you come here just for sports topics, I apologize in advance, but feel free to hit the back button as this is a different sort of post - and lengthy. If somebody finds it offensive, just report it and I'll remove it. If it's too long, I'm sorry.
Since I'm one of the very few members that is NOT anonymous, I was going to post this under a new account. However, I've gotten to understand I am the ****** up person I am so it doesn't matter if my name is attached to it - be proud of who you are. Hell, I was doxxed with house pictures, tax info, etc the 1st or 2nd year of CF and much worse since. Instead, despite putting more out there about myself than I'd normally like, my hope is maybe a single person somewhere will better understand a loved one, friend or colleague that is challenged and encourage them to seek help if they haven't in the past.
Please understand that while I have to put my story below to convey anything, this isn't a pity party or anything where I'm seeking support. I've had that for 15 years since CF started. This is hopefully to open eyes for somebody else's story to have a good ending and for others to take a chance to tell their story if they so desire.
Most days I wake up dreading the fact that I woke up, but not in the Monday morning work way. Too many times over the years it was predetermined that I wasn't going to, even very recently. Listen to Ghost by Badflower and you'll understand.
Like many people, I suffer from mental health issues - unfortunately something that impacts a lot of people every day.
For me individually, it's a toxic brew of 24/7, chronic anxiety, depression, OCD, and ADHD. I've lived with each forever and each one is it's own beast - together they're a nearly crippling and debilitating pain that I can't begin to describe. Unfortunately, I've been on every conceivable mix of about 30 different medicines - even trials - and they really only take the roughest corners off. Every minute I'm worrying to a near panic attack, doing ruminitions in my head, thinking about problems that need to be solved right now, feeling intense weight on my shoulders, and just hating life.
Because of or as part of my issues, I also have an extreme case of "inner monologue" - where your mind doesn't stop talking and thinking for a second, but magnified with about 4 parallel and intersecting streams. Every conversation I have in a day I play over and over in my mind, second guessing why I did or didn't say something, or how I'm going to handle it, or what about this scenario, etc. It creates a photographic memory, but at a high overhead cost. There is not a second of peace or quiet, it is constant and it's loud - I can be exhausted and literally have my eyes closed on the pillow for 6 hours trying to fall asleep every night to no avail. I thought that's how everybody was wired for the longest time, but I've since understood why people with mental health issues occasionally also have it, and why my wife and I sleep on different floors.
A day at work is filled with solving critical system or process issues, planning, roadmapping, and doing business and technical architecture of varying varieties. But what you don't see is that it's also filled with endless streams of worry, double checking, avoiding social situations when possible, picking up every critical issue to avoid something failing, overcommitting to make people above look good, being exhausted by working 2-3 people worth of work at 70-80 hrs/wk, etc. All because the mind says everybody has to be happy, everything has to be successful, every project needs to get done perfectly, and every plan needs a solution - or else. Everything has a stress point, everything is anxiety, and everything has a consequence. If you truly know how OCD works, you'll understand why it's brutal when mixed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. It's a truly evil bastard.
I'm introverted and you'd never know any of the above by just looking at me or talking with me or working with me day-to-day. I don't have friends, I don't even know the names of my neighbors of 8 years. My phone has my immediate family, current colleagues for work emergencies, and ISU coaches/players/donors whom we know nothing about each other. There are a few others I've met here but I don't return their texts or calls. People ask me to do things and I never respond. I screen all calls, even of people I look up to and respect. I've never been to a party or "gone out for drinks". My mind just won't let me go there - and believe me, I've tried.
I was finally diagnosed with some of the above in my middle school years and the rest as a teenager, though standard Dr had already determined it. It was first very obvious to others when I got hives when invited to watch a movie with some people and then developed ulcers in my throat from the immense stress - I still get them all the time. At the same time I started medicine around age 10-ish, I tried my first therapist. That went on for a while but was finally told therapy just wasn't going to work for me. I've seen 4 or 5 really good doctors over the years and all have said the same thing after a while of intense effort. And it makes sense. Therapy works wonders for some people - and I'd encourage everybody to try it - but more when it comes to getting to understand the why, the how, or the way to handle something, scenarios, etc. There are certain situations or people it just isn't effective on for whatever reason, despite CBT or any other variation, unfortunately.
With that said, I'm a big believer that my challenges are actually what make me very effective and efficient at my profession. I'm the hardest, most dedicated worker you'll find. I can design technical and business solutions incredibly quickly and with great complexity. I can understand things quicker than Fran's face can turn red. It's also, I believe, why I'm a caring and supportive person (though I do play a good jerk online) - but also a helicopter parent. But the good isn't something my brain can focus on and outside of writing that paragraph, I will self deprecate (not defecate) in every conversation about me.
I won't go into details about my children on here other than to say; Every day I feel intense despair seeing my two amazing children show signs and symptoms of many of my issues. They're mini-mes, just with hair and less to process right now. As they age and encounter various firsts, classes, stresses, etc, it gets harder and more painful every single day. I'm here because I need to help them find ways to better handle life than I have. I need to protect and provide them with the tools and ways to cope. They are the single reason I wake up every morning and hope I do for a long time. But, I'd be lying if I made a promise because each day is a battle in a never-ending war. We never know what tomorrow brings.
As you would guess if you've paid attention, I've reread and changed this probably 60 times over the past 4 hours. And, I'll be thinking about it for the next 24 hours second guessing every damn piece of it why I toss and turn wondering why I can't sleep
This is the important part...
While this is part of my story, it is just a starting point, hopefully an opportunity for you or somebody in your life to start the same process I did 30 years ago to seek help. Unfortunately, it will never be a cure. There's no magic pill that makes us all better. Medicine might smooth out the rollercoaster and therapy might work wonders. You have to try everything or you've already failed, and failure only leads one place. I might not be here by the time you get to reading this, but there has to be an attempt.
If you think somebody is struggling - young or old - reach out to them and have an open conversation. Help them when they don't even know they need help. Don't worry about offending somebody. Don't think you're intruding. Be ok that you might open a door you can't close. That's ok if it means at least one person starts the process.
Aside from a couple specifics, I could have written the exact same thing. This time of year is difficult for me. As I've laid in bed trying to fall asleep the past couple of weeks I've tried working backward to determine "why" I am the way I am. This has been brought on largely from seeing a psychologist now. I'm told it's due, largely, to something from my childhood but I cannot pinpoint anything specific. I was a latchkey child starting at a VERY early age and have always been self-sufficient. But it's been strange how that has manifested through the years - making steady and lasting primary relationships very difficult. We'll see if therapy and reflection help!
I appreciate you posting. It's good dialogue and awareness.
The brain is unbelievable. It’s so good at adapting, coping, and dealing with hard things…but ultimately I truly believe a couple things are true. We hate discomfort…but we have to deal with it eventually.
When bad/difficult things happen to us, the natural tendency for most of us seems to be to build up some sort of avoidance mechanism. Those turn into walls that our brain can start to erect quickly even in non threatening (but cognitively similar) situations…causing fight or flight feelings when there’s nothing to be afraid of. (Note that I believe it can be similar if we have a history of doing “bad things”. You’re just building yourself up and then I think trying to protect your own image…a lot of anger, lies, deceit potentially.)
Ultimately we have a couple options - continue down that path or try to change course. From what I learned, changing course often meant learning to sit in the discomfort of those fears (both things happening now and the things that were coming to me from the past). Part of that was really listening to what I was telling myself/what was being told to me. And again…just let that be. Don’t chase it away…don’t try to run away. And then speak truth back to it. And if I felt there was something from the past I should apologize for or where I was hurt and I wanted to share that with someone, I did.
You have to know/learn the truth though. That’s where I read The Bible a lot. I had to learn that I wanted to set my own narrative…control my own destiny. But ultimately something created doesn’t tell its creator what he was made to do…
For instance - Damar Hamlin. Unbelievable God-given skills and abilities. Much personal glory to be had in exercising those. This horrible/terrible thing happens to him. Hoping and praying he wakes up and is able to resume his playing days. But if not…his contribution to the world has already been greater than most…and largely due to this painful situation. Over $6 million for kids in need to get toys, bringing people together in prayer, making prayer on national television less taboo…
You don’t always have to like what happens to you, but you can find peace and joy in your circumstances if you look for your purpose and don’t get too caught up in what you want/how you can’t control it.
Kudos to Jeremy for asking the tough questions and putting himself out there. Potentially groundbreaking in my opinion…
@Jeremy, you hit one critical thing that I have always stressed to my kids and I truly believe this. The characteristics that create challenges in our life are also the characteristics that create our strengths and talents. That doesn't mean we all get an equally easy hand, but these characteristics all make us who we are, and we ALL have something unique and valuable to provide to this world and to each other. Never forget that.
Also, this may sound strange, but you seem to find the fact that as a parent that you don't have friends and really only have significant contact with immediate family as problematic. I would say that I have always had some very minor social anxiety. In HS and college I was highly motivated to plow through it and force myself into social situations enough to get comfortable. But frankly since I had kids, my wife and I really don't have friends. We do things with our family and my wife's siblings. I have old friends I somewhat keep in touch with more through text, but I really wouldn't say I have friends that I have done anything with for years. and I really see no problem with it. It doesn't bother me one bit. I'm busy enough with kids and my wife that I see no need.
So, while I'm sure it is probably a better thing to have more people in your life as active friends, I think it is not necessary for everyone. I know plenty of people that have families in the same stage of life that I am in, and they are very social, do a lot of things with friends, and that suits them. It doesn't suit me at all. I would rather just do things with my wife.
While I wouldn't mind getting together with old friends, I have zero interest or desire in finding new friends. I think because it works for most people, we think even as we get older we "should" have families, friends in and out of work, etc. If you have people or a person that you can count on and enjoy being around, that's all that matters. If it's a spouse, kids, parents, siblings, in-laws, cousins, friends, it doesn't matter.
So, others have a lot better advice than I can give, but I second all those that suggest looking into a different job. It seems like you have tapped into your strengths and talents, but there may be some roles where you can still do that without the immense stress. And you mention that people need to be happy and look good "or else." That's not really possible to do. In fact, I think you should see what "or else" actually looks like. You'll either find that people are a lot more understanding than you think, and if not, it's just a crystal clear signal to make a change. Drastic if needed. Too much of life is spent at work for it to be such a massive burden.
Lastly, as far as your kids go, I certainly don't want to downplay challenges, but I think many of us as parents stress and worry about challenges our kids face, see our own struggles in them, etc. They will get through, just keep supporting them and helping them find how best to utilize their characteristics. I will say that my oldest is 16, and she is both very much an introvert, but was also recently diagnosed with ADHD. She has found her activities and people she likes to spend time with, albeit not a great amount, as social situations do wear her out. I will say that if your kids are introverted, I recommend reading "Quiet" by Susan Cain. It helped us sort out things that are simply characteristics of introversion, and how to help her leverage those characteristics. Unfortunately we have to live in a world (or at least in the US) where an extreme extravert is considered the standard of mental well-being. While I am not suggesting this is the cause of anxiety, I do believe for many people not fitting into this box can add to it.
Thank you for sharing this. Discussing it and sharing experiences helps all of us!
Also, this may sound strange, but you seem to find the fact that as a parent that you don't have friends and really only have significant contact with immediate family as problematic. I would say that I have always had some very minor social anxiety. In HS and college I was highly motivated to plow through it and force myself into social situations enough to get comfortable. But frankly since I had kids, my wife and I really don't have friends. We do things with our family and my wife's siblings. I have old friends I somewhat keep in touch with more through text, but I really wouldn't say I have friends that I have done anything with for years. and I really see no problem with it. It doesn't bother me one bit. I'm busy enough with kids and my wife that I see no need.
So, while I'm sure it is probably a better thing to have more people in your life as active friends, I think it is not necessary for everyone. I know plenty of people that have families in the same stage of life that I am in, and they are very social, do a lot of things with friends, and that suits them. It doesn't suit me at all. I would rather just do things with my wife.
While I wouldn't mind getting together with old friends, I have zero interest or desire in finding new friends. I think because it works for most people, we think even as we get older we "should" have families, friends in and out of work, etc. If you have people or a person that you can count on and enjoy being around, that's all that matters. If it's a spouse, kids, parents, siblings, in-laws, cousins, friends, it doesn't matter.
So, others have a lot better advice than I can give, but I second all those that suggest looking into a different job. It seems like you have tapped into your strengths and talents, but there may be some roles where you can still do that without the immense stress. And you mention that people need to be happy and look good "or else." That's not really possible to do. In fact, I think you should see what "or else" actually looks like. You'll either find that people are a lot more understanding than you think, and if not, it's just a crystal clear signal to make a change. Drastic if needed. Too much of life is spent at work for it to be such a massive burden.
Lastly, as far as your kids go, I certainly don't want to downplay challenges, but I think many of us as parents stress and worry about challenges our kids face, see our own struggles in them, etc. They will get through, just keep supporting them and helping them find how best to utilize their characteristics. I will say that my oldest is 16, and she is both very much an introvert, but was also recently diagnosed with ADHD. She has found her activities and people she likes to spend time with, albeit not a great amount, as social situations do wear her out. I will say that if your kids are introverted, I recommend reading "Quiet" by Susan Cain. It helped us sort out things that are simply characteristics of introversion, and how to help her leverage those characteristics. Unfortunately we have to live in a world (or at least in the US) where an extreme extravert is considered the standard of mental well-being. While I am not suggesting this is the cause of anxiety, I do believe for many people not fitting into this box can add to it.
Thank you for sharing this. Discussing it and sharing experiences helps all of us!
Why is life worth living? A question that, to me, has a different answer for every individual. But for most, I think it comes down to what am I contributing to this world, to society, to my community, to my family. And that changes with time, but there's always something.
It might be your work, your ideas, your humor, your example to others. It might be your role as a son or daughter, a brother or sister, a mom or dad. For me right now, life is worth living for my granddaughter who is 22 months old. I want to be here for her. I have to be here to enjoy her life.
So, why is life worth living? There is no all-encompassing answer. I just know it is.
It might be your work, your ideas, your humor, your example to others. It might be your role as a son or daughter, a brother or sister, a mom or dad. For me right now, life is worth living for my granddaughter who is 22 months old. I want to be here for her. I have to be here to enjoy her life.
So, why is life worth living? There is no all-encompassing answer. I just know it is.
I would also like to point out that we are all a little better off today because of Jeremy starting this thread…and for all who are commenting. If you ever doubt whether your life matters…the truth is that you are truly irreplaceable. The world is better because you are in it.
Second the book "Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking". Life changing
A sincere thank you for everybody opening up, offering support to others, etc. I know this is a "sports" forum, but it's far more than that and always has been - it's become a community family. Outside of my natural family, there's no greater pride or joy in life than being a part of this family.
Heck, I think everything from geopolitical events and racism to offensive schemes, airplanes on treadmills, and awkward bathroom encounters have been solved on here
I truly wish there was a way to talk about something like this without coming across as making it about yourself, as that is anything but the goal. Thank you to everybody for jumping in with your own stories as that is truly the intent and goal of something like this or the post I made roughly 16 months ago. If you struggle to value your own being, there's a great opportunity to help others and in-turn create a value.
Heck, I think everything from geopolitical events and racism to offensive schemes, airplanes on treadmills, and awkward bathroom encounters have been solved on here
I truly wish there was a way to talk about something like this without coming across as making it about yourself, as that is anything but the goal. Thank you to everybody for jumping in with your own stories as that is truly the intent and goal of something like this or the post I made roughly 16 months ago. If you struggle to value your own being, there's a great opportunity to help others and in-turn create a value.
Wonderful message, Jeremy. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's your story and that's exactly what makes it so great. Be sure to give yourself some grace as a parent. You're doing a much better job than you are probably giving yourself credit for. Keep up the good work.If you come here just for sports topics, I apologize in advance, but feel free to hit the back button as this is a different sort of post - and lengthy. If somebody finds it offensive, just report it and I'll remove it. If it's too long, I'm sorry.
Since I'm one of the very few members that is NOT anonymous, I was going to post this under a new account. However, I've gotten to understand I am the ****** up person I am so it doesn't matter if my name is attached to it - be proud of who you are. Hell, I was doxxed with house pictures, tax info, etc the 1st or 2nd year of CF and much worse since. Instead, despite putting more out there about myself than I'd normally like, my hope is maybe a single person somewhere will better understand a loved one, friend or colleague that is challenged and encourage them to seek help if they haven't in the past.
Please understand that while I have to put my story below to convey anything, this isn't a pity party or anything where I'm seeking support. I've had that for 15 years since CF started. This is hopefully to open eyes for somebody else's story to have a good ending and for others to take a chance to tell their story if they so desire.
Most days I wake up dreading the fact that I woke up, but not in the Monday morning work way. Too many times over the years it was predetermined that I wasn't going to, even very recently. Listen to Ghost by Badflower and you'll understand.
Like many people, I suffer from mental health issues - unfortunately something that impacts a lot of people every day.
For me individually, it's a toxic brew of 24/7, chronic anxiety, depression, OCD, and ADHD. I've lived with each forever and each one is it's own beast - together they're a nearly crippling and debilitating pain that I can't begin to describe. Unfortunately, I've been on every conceivable mix of about 30 different medicines - even trials - and they really only take the roughest corners off. Every minute I'm worrying to a near panic attack, doing ruminitions in my head, thinking about problems that need to be solved right now, feeling intense weight on my shoulders, and just hating life.
Because of or as part of my issues, I also have an extreme case of "inner monologue" - where your mind doesn't stop talking and thinking for a second, but magnified with about 4 parallel and intersecting streams. Every conversation I have in a day I play over and over in my mind, second guessing why I did or didn't say something, or how I'm going to handle it, or what about this scenario, etc. It creates a photographic memory, but at a high overhead cost. There is not a second of peace or quiet, it is constant and it's loud - I can be exhausted and literally have my eyes closed on the pillow for 6 hours trying to fall asleep every night to no avail. I thought that's how everybody was wired for the longest time, but I've since understood why people with mental health issues occasionally also have it, and why my wife and I sleep on different floors.
A day at work is filled with solving critical system or process issues, planning, roadmapping, and doing business and technical architecture of varying varieties. But what you don't see is that it's also filled with endless streams of worry, double checking, avoiding social situations when possible, picking up every critical issue to avoid something failing, overcommitting to make people above look good, being exhausted by working 2-3 people worth of work at 70-80 hrs/wk, etc. All because the mind says everybody has to be happy, everything has to be successful, every project needs to get done perfectly, and every plan needs a solution - or else. Everything has a stress point, everything is anxiety, and everything has a consequence. If you truly know how OCD works, you'll understand why it's brutal when mixed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. It's a truly evil bastard.
I'm introverted and you'd never know any of the above by just looking at me or talking with me or working with me day-to-day. I don't have friends, I don't even know the names of my neighbors of 8 years. My phone has my immediate family, current colleagues for work emergencies, and ISU coaches/players/donors whom we know nothing about each other. There are a few others I've met here but I don't return their texts or calls. People ask me to do things and I never respond. I screen all calls, even of people I look up to and respect. I've never been to a party or "gone out for drinks". My mind just won't let me go there - and believe me, I've tried.
I was finally diagnosed with some of the above in my middle school years and the rest as a teenager, though standard Dr had already determined it. It was first very obvious to others when I got hives when invited to watch a movie with some people and then developed ulcers in my throat from the immense stress - I still get them all the time. At the same time I started medicine around age 10-ish, I tried my first therapist. That went on for a while but was finally told therapy just wasn't going to work for me. I've seen 4 or 5 really good doctors over the years and all have said the same thing after a while of intense effort. And it makes sense. Therapy works wonders for some people - and I'd encourage everybody to try it - but more when it comes to getting to understand the why, the how, or the way to handle something, scenarios, etc. There are certain situations or people it just isn't effective on for whatever reason, despite CBT or any other variation, unfortunately.
With that said, I'm a big believer that my challenges are actually what make me very effective and efficient at my profession. I'm the hardest, most dedicated worker you'll find. I can design technical and business solutions incredibly quickly and with great complexity. I can understand things quicker than Fran's face can turn red. It's also, I believe, why I'm a caring and supportive person (though I do play a good jerk online) - but also a helicopter parent. But the good isn't something my brain can focus on and outside of writing that paragraph, I will self deprecate (not defecate) in every conversation about me.
I won't go into details about my children on here other than to say; Every day I feel intense despair seeing my two amazing children show signs and symptoms of many of my issues. They're mini-mes, just with hair and less to process right now. As they age and encounter various firsts, classes, stresses, etc, it gets harder and more painful every single day. I'm here because I need to help them find ways to better handle life than I have. I need to protect and provide them with the tools and ways to cope. They are the single reason I wake up every morning and hope I do for a long time. But, I'd be lying if I made a promise because each day is a battle in a never-ending war. We never know what tomorrow brings.
As you would guess if you've paid attention, I've reread and changed this probably 60 times over the past 4 hours. And, I'll be thinking about it for the next 24 hours second guessing every damn piece of it why I toss and turn wondering why I can't sleep
This is the important part...
While this is part of my story, it is just a starting point, hopefully an opportunity for you or somebody in your life to start the same process I did 30 years ago to seek help. Unfortunately, it will never be a cure. There's no magic pill that makes us all better. Medicine might smooth out the rollercoaster and therapy might work wonders. You have to try everything or you've already failed, and failure only leads one place. I might not be here by the time you get to reading this, but there has to be an attempt.
If you think somebody is struggling - young or old - reach out to them and have an open conversation. Help them when they don't even know they need help. Don't worry about offending somebody. Don't think you're intruding. Be ok that you might open a door you can't close. That's ok if it means at least one person starts the process.
I think you succeeded in this, wildly. If nothing else, this thread shows me (and hopefully everyone else reading this thread) that tons of people struggle with varying degrees of anxiety, depression, etc. We all need "help". I put the word help in quotes, because that means widely different things to each person. Some people just need to know that they're not alone in their struggles.
Thank you for starting this thread.
Life is worth living because of what is promised us in John 8:12. Peace.If you come here just for sports topics, I apologize in advance, but feel free to hit the back button as this is a different sort of post - and lengthy. If somebody finds it offensive, just report it and I'll remove it. If it's too long, I'm sorry.
Since I'm one of the very few members that is NOT anonymous, I was going to post this under a new account. However, I've gotten to understand I am the ****** up person I am so it doesn't matter if my name is attached to it - be proud of who you are. Hell, I was doxxed with house pictures, tax info, etc the 1st or 2nd year of CF and much worse since. Instead, despite putting more out there about myself than I'd normally like, my hope is maybe a single person somewhere will better understand a loved one, friend or colleague that is challenged and encourage them to seek help if they haven't in the past.
Please understand that while I have to put my story below to convey anything, this isn't a pity party or anything where I'm seeking support. I've had that for 15 years since CF started. This is hopefully to open eyes for somebody else's story to have a good ending and for others to take a chance to tell their story if they so desire.
Most days I wake up dreading the fact that I woke up, but not in the Monday morning work way. Too many times over the years it was predetermined that I wasn't going to, even very recently. Listen to Ghost by Badflower and you'll understand.
Like many people, I suffer from mental health issues - unfortunately something that impacts a lot of people every day.
For me individually, it's a toxic brew of 24/7, chronic anxiety, depression, OCD, and ADHD. I've lived with each forever and each one is it's own beast - together they're a nearly crippling and debilitating pain that I can't begin to describe. Unfortunately, I've been on every conceivable mix of about 30 different medicines - even trials - and they really only take the roughest corners off. Every minute I'm worrying to a near panic attack, doing ruminitions in my head, thinking about problems that need to be solved right now, feeling intense weight on my shoulders, and just hating life.
Because of or as part of my issues, I also have an extreme case of "inner monologue" - where your mind doesn't stop talking and thinking for a second, but magnified with about 4 parallel and intersecting streams. Every conversation I have in a day I play over and over in my mind, second guessing why I did or didn't say something, or how I'm going to handle it, or what about this scenario, etc. It creates a photographic memory, but at a high overhead cost. There is not a second of peace or quiet, it is constant and it's loud - I can be exhausted and literally have my eyes closed on the pillow for 6 hours trying to fall asleep every night to no avail. I thought that's how everybody was wired for the longest time, but I've since understood why people with mental health issues occasionally also have it, and why my wife and I sleep on different floors.
A day at work is filled with solving critical system or process issues, planning, roadmapping, and doing business and technical architecture of varying varieties. But what you don't see is that it's also filled with endless streams of worry, double checking, avoiding social situations when possible, picking up every critical issue to avoid something failing, overcommitting to make people above look good, being exhausted by working 2-3 people worth of work at 70-80 hrs/wk, etc. All because the mind says everybody has to be happy, everything has to be successful, every project needs to get done perfectly, and every plan needs a solution - or else. Everything has a stress point, everything is anxiety, and everything has a consequence. If you truly know how OCD works, you'll understand why it's brutal when mixed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. It's a truly evil bastard.
I'm introverted and you'd never know any of the above by just looking at me or talking with me or working with me day-to-day. I don't have friends, I don't even know the names of my neighbors of 8 years. My phone has my immediate family, current colleagues for work emergencies, and ISU coaches/players/donors whom we know nothing about each other. There are a few others I've met here but I don't return their texts or calls. People ask me to do things and I never respond. I screen all calls, even of people I look up to and respect. I've never been to a party or "gone out for drinks". My mind just won't let me go there - and believe me, I've tried.
I was finally diagnosed with some of the above in my middle school years and the rest as a teenager, though standard Dr had already determined it. It was first very obvious to others when I got hives when invited to watch a movie with some people and then developed ulcers in my throat from the immense stress - I still get them all the time. At the same time I started medicine around age 10-ish, I tried my first therapist. That went on for a while but was finally told therapy just wasn't going to work for me. I've seen 4 or 5 really good doctors over the years and all have said the same thing after a while of intense effort. And it makes sense. Therapy works wonders for some people - and I'd encourage everybody to try it - but more when it comes to getting to understand the why, the how, or the way to handle something, scenarios, etc. There are certain situations or people it just isn't effective on for whatever reason, despite CBT or any other variation, unfortunately.
With that said, I'm a big believer that my challenges are actually what make me very effective and efficient at my profession. I'm the hardest, most dedicated worker you'll find. I can design technical and business solutions incredibly quickly and with great complexity. I can understand things quicker than Fran's face can turn red. It's also, I believe, why I'm a caring and supportive person (though I do play a good jerk online) - but also a helicopter parent. But the good isn't something my brain can focus on and outside of writing that paragraph, I will self deprecate (not defecate) in every conversation about me.
I won't go into details about my children on here other than to say; Every day I feel intense despair seeing my two amazing children show signs and symptoms of many of my issues. They're mini-mes, just with hair and less to process right now. As they age and encounter various firsts, classes, stresses, etc, it gets harder and more painful every single day. I'm here because I need to help them find ways to better handle life than I have. I need to protect and provide them with the tools and ways to cope. They are the single reason I wake up every morning and hope I do for a long time. But, I'd be lying if I made a promise because each day is a battle in a never-ending war. We never know what tomorrow brings.
As you would guess if you've paid attention, I've reread and changed this probably 60 times over the past 4 hours. And, I'll be thinking about it for the next 24 hours second guessing every damn piece of it why I toss and turn wondering why I can't sleep
This is the important part...
While this is part of my story, it is just a starting point, hopefully an opportunity for you or somebody in your life to start the same process I did 30 years ago to seek help. Unfortunately, it will never be a cure. There's no magic pill that makes us all better. Medicine might smooth out the rollercoaster and therapy might work wonders. You have to try everything or you've already failed, and failure only leads one place. I might not be here by the time you get to reading this, but there has to be an attempt.
If you think somebody is struggling - young or old - reach out to them and have an open conversation. Help them when they don't even know they need help. Don't worry about offending somebody. Don't think you're intruding. Be ok that you might open a door you can't close. That's ok if it means at least one person starts the process.
Thanks for sharing your story, @Jeremy .
I originally came here for the sports, but I stay for all the other things and perspectives I can gain from the people on this message board. Even those with whom I disagree.
I originally came here for the sports, but I stay for all the other things and perspectives I can gain from the people on this message board. Even those with whom I disagree.
I worked with a woman who was both brilliant and mentally tortured. It was difficult for me because I would blame myself when I upset her.
We did basically the same job although she was my superior and reviewed each other’s work. When I would catch something she missed, she would be very nasty to me. At some point, she would apologize, note that I was correct, and be very erratic for days. For me, it was just a job, but her entire identity was wrapped around her abilities and intelligence.
She was getting help from a psychiatrist and the thing that improved everything was light therapy. Still was somewhat defensive about any mistake she would make, but way less angry, defensive, and depressed.
Not sure if light therapy would help any of you, but putting it out there as an option.
We did basically the same job although she was my superior and reviewed each other’s work. When I would catch something she missed, she would be very nasty to me. At some point, she would apologize, note that I was correct, and be very erratic for days. For me, it was just a job, but her entire identity was wrapped around her abilities and intelligence.
She was getting help from a psychiatrist and the thing that improved everything was light therapy. Still was somewhat defensive about any mistake she would make, but way less angry, defensive, and depressed.
Not sure if light therapy would help any of you, but putting it out there as an option.
I think mental health is getting more important and there is no stigma anymore. I asked the therapist “am I crazy?” And he said that there is a degree of craziness in everyone.
And life is so different these days. There are a lot of things creating stress, anxiety and pressure on people
Start with work: how many of us have changed jobs voluntarily or involuntarily? You don’t expect to spend your career in the same company anymore because layoffs, merger, acquisitions are getting more common. Almost all companies preach “do more with less” mantra and do it religiously creating a lot of stress.
College is getting expensive (I am worried I won’t be able to send my son going to a school that he wants although he is wualified). Daycare is not cheap. Tons of pressures.
And thankfully I am not a type of “keeping with the Jones” but I know some people who do and they are under enormous pressure…..
And there was our Special Team and our offense last season….jimlad
And life is so different these days. There are a lot of things creating stress, anxiety and pressure on people
Start with work: how many of us have changed jobs voluntarily or involuntarily? You don’t expect to spend your career in the same company anymore because layoffs, merger, acquisitions are getting more common. Almost all companies preach “do more with less” mantra and do it religiously creating a lot of stress.
College is getting expensive (I am worried I won’t be able to send my son going to a school that he wants although he is wualified). Daycare is not cheap. Tons of pressures.
And thankfully I am not a type of “keeping with the Jones” but I know some people who do and they are under enormous pressure…..
And there was our Special Team and our offense last season….jimlad