I began to develop severe anxiety and panic attacks back in 2015 following the traumatic discovery of finding my wife in our shower/tub covered in blood having a grand mal seizure. She was 38 weeks pregnant with our third child. I remember waiting for the ambulance while she continued to seize thinking I was going to lose my wife and my best friend. Thankfully, that dire outcome never came to fruition and she gave birth to a healthy girl some days later. However, she was diagnosed with epilepsy.
During the time I worked in a very high stress job that I was secretly unable to mentally handle. My wife could no longer drive her car for at least the next 6 months, and now I spent every waking moment worried she would have another seizure and I wouldn't be there for her. I forgot to mention before that had I not been there that morning she would have died. When she fell in the tub/shower her foot hit the drain and water was rising rapidly. She would have drown.
So I started having nocturnal panic attacks. It got so bad that I would have one every time I fell asleep. So, then I couldn't fall asleep. I began to experience constant anxiety symptoms almost 24/7 like racing heartbeat, palpitations, gastro, etc. I would do weird $hit like have to open our oven before going to bed and wave my hand in it exactly 3 times to ensure our house didn't burn down. I have rubbed many wounds into my own skin thinking I felt a tumor beneath.
Anyways, there is some hope present day. I have been on various meds and also CBT therapy. I found CBT quite helpful. Also, the most important thing I did was change my circumstance. I quit my job and took one 2 miles from my house that paid quite a bit less. However, there is almost zero stress, I work just 4 days, and I love who I work with. Best decision I ever made for my anxiety. I created the mental space that I needed and removed much of the stress I couldn't handle. This allowed me to get treatment for my actual issues.
I am still on meds, and get therapy from time to time. But, I am generally happy, optimistic, and grateful. But of course, anxiety and OCD still haunt me.
Don't lose hope. I am so sorry to hear about the pain detailed in this thread.