Teams
Forum List
Toggle sidebar

The Official Friday thread......

Status
Not open for further replies.
MoreCowbell said:
Do you think my work would notice if I didn't come back after lunch? We're mind-numbingly slow and there are about 80 other things I'd rather be doing, like running or baking a pie.
Click to expand...

.....it's just about golf time...all this talk of it today and I'm thinking about leaving....
 
  • Like
Reactions: rdubbs
DJK15 said:
Tell me, did you ever fart in front of her?

No, why do you ask?

I never farted in front of Renee. Not once. Last week, I let one slip and today she dumps me.

You think that's why Renee dumped you? Come on, she's not the shallow type. You're not insinuating...

She was going down on me at the time.

[Retches]

What can I say, I was feeling very relaxed, when I'm relaxed I squirt.

If all she did was dump you, you got off light.
Click to expand...
It means shallow and weak-willed.
Damn, I thought that was the only part of the letter that was complimentary.
 
GeronimusClone said:
I once went home with a girl when I was really, really drunk. Fully intending to give her the best five minutes of her life. She was driving and it took forever to get to her place. By the time we got there and fooled around a little bit I started to sober up.
I went into the bathroom, grabbed a rub, looked back in the bedroom and watched her undress. Not good.
I came out and said something to the effect of "You're not going to believe this, but (hmmmm how do I say it without getting deleted. Expired while slipping on the "hat")."
Which was totally untrue.
She was like "Oh, that's OK. Don't worry about it."
I didn't have to sleep with her, but I did have to cuddle with her until morning because I had no clue where I was or how to get back and she wouldn't fall asleep.
Next time I saw her was rather awkward and I'm pretty sure she told all her friends, if they only knew the truth.
Story 1 of 2
Click to expand...


STOP! Bro, the cuddling may have been worse punishment....
 
GeronimusClone said:
It means shallow and weak-willed.
Damn, I thought that was the only part of the letter that was complimentary.
Click to expand...


Breakfast, shmrekfast. Look at the score, for Christ's sake. It's only the second period and I'm up 12 to 2. Breakfasts come and go, Rene, but Hartford, "the Whale," they only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice in a lifetime
 
GeronimusClone said:
I once went home with a girl when I was really, really drunk. Fully intending to give her the best five minutes of her life. She was driving and it took forever to get to her place. By the time we got there and fooled around a little bit I started to sober up.
I went into the bathroom, grabbed a rub, looked back in the bedroom and watched her undress. Not good.
I came out and said something to the effect of "You're not going to believe this, but (hmmmm how do I say it without getting deleted. Expired while slipping on the "hat")."
Which was totally untrue.
She was like "Oh, that's OK. Don't worry about it."
I didn't have to sleep with her, but I did have to cuddle with her until morning because I had no clue where I was or how to get back and she wouldn't fall asleep.
Next time I saw her was rather awkward and I'm pretty sure she told all her friends, if they only knew the truth.
Story 1 of 2
Click to expand...

You must have been really drunk and her very ugly to use that lie....

Waiting for 2 of 2
 
dosry5 said:
Please don't do this. That is my favorite movie and I don't want/need a hawkeye quoting it because I won't be able to help myself and I'll have play along.
Click to expand...

Come on man, we can't even share a movie?
 
Story 2
I was going to school at Iowa State, but commuted. I had a friend in town who lived with a chick, not dating just friends. He had a thing for her and occasionally they'd hook up. Well, I got snowed in one night, stayed with them. We went to the bar and got lit up.
I ended up sleeping with her, he found out the next morning, then had to spend the entire next day - just the three of us sitting around awkwardly because it was still blizzarding out. By the end of the day I just said a prayer, got in the car and busted drifts. Death would have been a sweet release from that torture.
 
DJK15 said:
Come on man, we can't even share a movie?
Click to expand...

Brandi: Suitor number 3, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake or a jackhammer?
Gil: Definitely a jackhammer, I'm in there with some pressure and when I'm done, you're not the same as before. You're changed.
 
GeronimusClone said:
Story 2
I was going to school at Iowa State, but commuted. I had a friend in town who lived with a chick, not dating just friends. He had a thing for her and occasionally they'd hook up. Well, I got snowed in one night, stayed with them. We went to the bar and got lit up.
I ended up sleeping with her, he found out the next morning, then had to spend the entire next day - just the three of us sitting around awkwardly because it was still blizzarding out. By the end of the day I just said a prayer, got in the car and busted drifts. Death would have been a sweet release from that torture.
Click to expand...

:notworthy:
 
dosry5 said:
Brandi: Suitor number 3, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake or a jackhammer?
Gil: Definitely a jackhammer, I'm in there with some pressure and when I'm done, you're not the same as before. You're changed.
Click to expand...
Thats the worst answer Ive ever heard to an honest question!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Help Support Us

Become a patron
Top Bottom
Back