Teams
Forum List
Toggle sidebar

Peter Jok article

Not bad. Some suggestions:

1. Formatting. We don't really need to know he's 1/4 inches. Also there are words where spaces are not breaking it up. My advice is to preview how to looks asthetically (after proofreading the content) and make appropriate changes. It can be a challenge at times, but often times it's not what you write, but HOW you write that gest people to read.

2. Purpose of the article. When I first read the article, your opening paragraph leads me to believe that I will read how Harrison Barnes is not once in a life time talent, and see some data on why that may be the case. After reading the whole article, it comes across as more informational. Kind of like "this guy is on the radar, look out for him in the future". Is the point to argue he'll be one of the best HS players out of IA ever, or is it to create awarness that this guy exists?
 
Possible suggestions:
-To get rid of spelling errors and missed spaces, it might help to copy/paste your article into a program like Microsoft Word before you post.

-Comments from someone besides yourself (like a coach) help to validate information.

-Personal preference here - Not many pictures of Jok are out there. If you had any, it may have been nice to post.
 
Last edited:
Make sure you proofread.

I have no idea how good the Roughriders are. It's possible they blow, it's possible they could contend for state. Freshmen that aren't top recruits can start for 4A teams if that team stinks. Make sure you note that. It's a bigger deal if he cracks the lineup of a 20-0 team than a 4-16 team.

Also, the last line, be careful what predictions you make. It's quite a stretch to say a kid that hasn't played a high school game could be the best player to ever come out of the state. In the eighth grade, everyone's still developing - we don't know just how far he will quite yet.

The informational content was good.

EDIT: Try and do more to elaborate on why this kid could be an elite national talent after the eighth grade. Why is he special? If you're going to say he's a world beater, throw more facts at us. Get testimonials from AAU coaches.

From working in journalism and in sports, quotes are powerful. If you can quote a coach somewhere or something, not only does it lend credibility to your argument, it lends credibility to you, even if the coach might be some slappy from Sheboygan.
 
Last edited:
When talking only about one recruit, try not to use his name so much. It became a little redundant to keep saying Peter this and Peter that. Just a simple he or this kid can break up the monatony.
 
well to the team talent question the short answer is i don't know dau is awesome so is mike hurst and pj is obviously good after that im not really sure we have had some graduations and a coaching change so the team is knid of an enigma right now
 
BigM said:
well to the team talent question the short answer is i don't know dau is awesome so is mike hurst and pj is obviously good after that im not really sure we have had some graduations and a coaching change so the team is knid of an enigma right now
Click to expand...

It's more of a rhetorical question. If you're going to make a big deal about a guy starting on a team, it's only a big deal if the team is good.

Back in Minneapolis, you've got guys starting for teams in 9th grade, but they end up Mid-Major; they weren't all that great and their teams weren't either, hence they were starting...
 
shildreth said:
I posted this in the other thread. But from the illini board that someone posted one of their posters said this about Jok:

Peter Jok
*one of his cousins in Manute Bol
*another is Lual Deng with the Bulls
*dad (deceased) was 7"
*uncle is almost 7"

Pretty good genes (height) if true.


EDIT - Nevermind - I see you already responded in the other thread.
Click to expand...
Not true...His dad was 6'11', and Manute Bol is his uncle, not his cousin. But other than that, all true. :wink:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Help Support Us

Become a patron
Top Bottom
Back