OT: Advice (Long?)
- Thread starter Cyclone62
- Start date
I think you need to watch the movie "Swingers" Some people above have quoted the movie but when I was reading your situation that is what popped into my head.
Also, be honest with her and don't play games. If you have to play games to get her affection neither of you are mature enough to make the relationship blossom into a lifelong relationship.
Also, be honest with her and don't play games. If you have to play games to get her affection neither of you are mature enough to make the relationship blossom into a lifelong relationship.
Trust me you can't keep up the pace with the beggining relationship love sick you were in at the beggining of it. If she did not except you for being the NORMAL person that you are then you will never be able to keep up the good restart that you are trying. My wife realized that I could not keep up the pace of trying to impress her all the time with flowers and expensive dinner type stuff. She likes who I am enough that she would not leave and make me go back to the way I was. She is different also. I understand that. So if she truly loves the man she is with then she would have never left. If she does not like the less impressive version of you then you don't need it. She will always use it against you. She is living a pipe dream if she thinks she is going to get flowers every week. My personal opinion.
Is she a Cyclone or a Hawkeye? If she's a Hawkeye dump her.
I take it there is no intimacy? If there isn't, I would probably tell her that you are thinking of moving on. That you really love her, but if she can't see you two together that you need to get on with your life. Tell her that the break has been good, that you are now a better person and that you want her along for what should be a great life. But you can't just be left in limbo. Then move on. If you see her, talk to her and say hi. But keep it brief and move on. If it is meant to be she will come back. If not you will have spared yourself some heartache.
The same thing happened to me years ago. We went our separate ways. We crossed paths a few times but I finally quit tormenting myself about her and moved on. Twenty years or so later we crossed paths again and talked. Both married with children. She proceeded to tell me that her life was ho-hum and basically telling me she had made a mistake by not getting back together with me. Kept asking me if I was really happy. I told her that my life was great (It is). And that it was too bad she wasn't with me as she would be having a great time in life. I told her she was too late that I was married with children. She whispered in my ear that she still loved me, kissed me on the cheek, and she sadly walked away. I left feeling vindicated and my wife and I had a romping good time. You will survive.
I take it there is no intimacy? If there isn't, I would probably tell her that you are thinking of moving on. That you really love her, but if she can't see you two together that you need to get on with your life. Tell her that the break has been good, that you are now a better person and that you want her along for what should be a great life. But you can't just be left in limbo. Then move on. If you see her, talk to her and say hi. But keep it brief and move on. If it is meant to be she will come back. If not you will have spared yourself some heartache.
The same thing happened to me years ago. We went our separate ways. We crossed paths a few times but I finally quit tormenting myself about her and moved on. Twenty years or so later we crossed paths again and talked. Both married with children. She proceeded to tell me that her life was ho-hum and basically telling me she had made a mistake by not getting back together with me. Kept asking me if I was really happy. I told her that my life was great (It is). And that it was too bad she wasn't with me as she would be having a great time in life. I told her she was too late that I was married with children. She whispered in my ear that she still loved me, kissed me on the cheek, and she sadly walked away. I left feeling vindicated and my wife and I had a romping good time. You will survive.
Well I just got some neg rep that pretty much said i was a pu$$y. Well tough guy, why didn't you leave your name with that statement? Also, go f!ck urself.
Some of these Friday afternoon posts get relly heavy!
Cyclone62- Let me save you a lot of heartache, it sounds like you have made changes to make yourself the person you want to become. Not because of her, but because you wanted to be better. You have accomplished something some 50+ old guys I know still have not figured out after several wifes and affairs. So count your blessings.
As for the girlfriend, if she clearly is not jumping out of her mind happy over the changes you have made, you should move on. Mind game tests of your love mean she is not very close to figuring out who she wants to be. Leave her alone for a while and tell her when she figures out what she wants to give you a call and see what happens then.
Good luck, when you find the right one it is worth it.
Cyclone62- Let me save you a lot of heartache, it sounds like you have made changes to make yourself the person you want to become. Not because of her, but because you wanted to be better. You have accomplished something some 50+ old guys I know still have not figured out after several wifes and affairs. So count your blessings.
As for the girlfriend, if she clearly is not jumping out of her mind happy over the changes you have made, you should move on. Mind game tests of your love mean she is not very close to figuring out who she wants to be. Leave her alone for a while and tell her when she figures out what she wants to give you a call and see what happens then.
Good luck, when you find the right one it is worth it.
I think you should never smoke again, cause "just one more" can go on forever. (smoke free 2 years, myself)
Oh, the girl? Tell her you love her and want to be together. If she says she still needs time, then give it to her. Tell her to call you when she wants to talk again. In the meantime, go on with your life.
Oh, the girl? Tell her you love her and want to be together. If she says she still needs time, then give it to her. Tell her to call you when she wants to talk again. In the meantime, go on with your life.
Yet you took the time to read and post a reply....nice work sport.
P.S. There is an off-topic forum for a reason.
Thank you for your support! I have now received more negative rep for my posts. I really thought that this community was different, but several of you have proven me wrong. This was an off-topic thread, if you don't want to read about it, then you can ignore it. To put someone down for their opinion or insight (which is what the original post was asking for) is ridiculous.
I doubt that I will ever visit this sight again, which is probably my loss more than anyone else's. I'm not sure if I will ever post on a public message board again. If that was what you (the members who have sent me negative rep) were hoping for then good for you, you won.
I doubt that I will ever visit this sight again, which is probably my loss more than anyone else's. I'm not sure if I will ever post on a public message board again. If that was what you (the members who have sent me negative rep) were hoping for then good for you, you won.
The drama! Oh my gosh, heaven forbid somebody disagrees with your opinion! Who gives a crap about rep points dude, just state your opinion knowing that some people on this board are immature. Sorry for the rant, but I hate it when people whine about their precious rep points. :baffled5wh:
BTW, I didn't give you the negative rep...but thanks for proving your point (whatever it is) by giving me some
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Alright 62... so I just got in a relationship with a girl recently too. Just the other day... she called me, I answered and then my phone said call ended. I figured she'd call right back you know. Maybe she was in a bad spot in a building that didn't get reception or something. 5 minutes later, she calls again and tells me I failed. I say, "failed what?" and she says "the test, you're supposed to call me back".
This, along with other observations from my independant study in the field of women's studies (yeah, women's studies is actually a field of study at ISU, and no... I'm not actually taking an independant study credit though) I have determined that women throw out these random things called, "tests". Are they rediculous? Yes. Are they illogical? Yes. Does she care? No. Should you still try to pass them? Yes. Do I know why? No. Does any guy know why? No.
All in all... does it matter if things are classified as being in a relationship? Do you enjoy the time with her? If she says she "knows" she wants to be with you, and you know you want to be with her. Then tell her that you know you want to be with her, and you're not going to give up on it.
Edit: And if somehow that makes things worse... then just tell her... you made a mistake... (you took advice from another guy)
This, along with other observations from my independant study in the field of women's studies (yeah, women's studies is actually a field of study at ISU, and no... I'm not actually taking an independant study credit though) I have determined that women throw out these random things called, "tests". Are they rediculous? Yes. Are they illogical? Yes. Does she care? No. Should you still try to pass them? Yes. Do I know why? No. Does any guy know why? No.
All in all... does it matter if things are classified as being in a relationship? Do you enjoy the time with her? If she says she "knows" she wants to be with you, and you know you want to be with her. Then tell her that you know you want to be with her, and you're not going to give up on it.
Edit: And if somehow that makes things worse... then just tell her... you made a mistake... (you took advice from another guy)
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When you have your chat with her, tell her you care about her deeply but you're not going to sit around and wait anymore. That you're going to move on. Then wish her the best and be done with it. Get in, get out and move on. But you have to be prepared to do just that. No more calling her. No more texting her. No more e-mailing her. Nothing. I know it's easier said than done, but trust me, when the ball is in her court and she knows you're serious and that you're truly moving on, it'll spring her into action and that's when you'll know how she really feels.
If she truly cares and wants to be with you, I guarantee you'll know it within a week or two. But again, play it cool and resist the urge to contact her. Let her make the next move. And in the meantime, go out and have a good time.
If she truly cares and wants to be with you, I guarantee you'll know it within a week or two. But again, play it cool and resist the urge to contact her. Let her make the next move. And in the meantime, go out and have a good time.
I have nothing to add.
I'm considering taking excerpts from this thread and publishing a book.
Title: "Chicken Soup for the Cyclone Fanatic"
Dr. Phil and Kenneth Ablow have got nothin' on this thread.
Cyclone62, I wish you the best of luck. Whatever happens is suppose to happen and you will be better for having the experience.
I always used to tell myself finding love is like chasing a butterfly.
Sometimes the harder you try to catch it the more elusive it becomes.
When you finally sit down to rest...it will land on your shoulder.
______________________________________________________________
"Life's like a box of chocolates." Forrest Gump
I'm considering taking excerpts from this thread and publishing a book.
Title: "Chicken Soup for the Cyclone Fanatic"
Dr. Phil and Kenneth Ablow have got nothin' on this thread.
Cyclone62, I wish you the best of luck. Whatever happens is suppose to happen and you will be better for having the experience.
I always used to tell myself finding love is like chasing a butterfly.
Sometimes the harder you try to catch it the more elusive it becomes.
When you finally sit down to rest...it will land on your shoulder.
______________________________________________________________
"Life's like a box of chocolates." Forrest Gump
So you support 62 taking a Mike Taylor three pointer?
Sounds like she left the ball in your court to pine away. Let her know in clear terms you care about her, but you can go another direction if she is not receptive. I think 3 months tops is long enough for a cooling off period. Otherwise whe may be wanting yoiu to crawl back. Maybe she has another boyfriend she needs toi get to know better. Bring it to resiolution sooner than later. My brother lost out with a nice gal when her parents bribed her big time to mopve back to Detroit. He visited her and was kept away from her. Again, approach her sooner than later. Put that ball in her court with the 25 second clock.
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I told her if her and one of her girl friends wanted to double-team me, that'd be alright. :laugh8kb:
I just wanted to say "Thank You" to everyone who replied with sincerity, and tried to help me sort this out. I truly am grateful and surprised at how many of you shared personal experiences of the same nature with me, and everyone for that matter. I went about it in my own way, that took many of your individual pieces of advice, and knitted them together to best suit my needs.
Just in case any of you were curious, this is what I did: I talked to her after she was done with work today, and told her what was essentially my first post in this thread. I told her that I didn't think it was fair for me to be so confused, and that after tonight I was going to let her go. That I couldn't take it anymore. Well, when she heard me say that I was ready to move on since she seemed to be, she asked me to get back together with her. Actually, I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to, and that I'd let her know by the end of the night. I told her that I'd work it out with her as long as she was willing to walk through life with me, and that if it ended up being in the same situation as this again, that I was going to walk away with no regrets because I feel we should all get a second chance, but a third to me is questionable. Whether it's her or me that would call it off, if that happens again; I'm finding another, better woman for me.
Again, thanks for all of your advice guys. It's greatly appreciated. If I could give all of you pos. rep I would. I thank God for kind souls such as yourselves, and good luck to all of you in your futures and present. Let's Go State!
Just in case any of you were curious, this is what I did: I talked to her after she was done with work today, and told her what was essentially my first post in this thread. I told her that I didn't think it was fair for me to be so confused, and that after tonight I was going to let her go. That I couldn't take it anymore. Well, when she heard me say that I was ready to move on since she seemed to be, she asked me to get back together with her. Actually, I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to, and that I'd let her know by the end of the night. I told her that I'd work it out with her as long as she was willing to walk through life with me, and that if it ended up being in the same situation as this again, that I was going to walk away with no regrets because I feel we should all get a second chance, but a third to me is questionable. Whether it's her or me that would call it off, if that happens again; I'm finding another, better woman for me.
Again, thanks for all of your advice guys. It's greatly appreciated. If I could give all of you pos. rep I would. I thank God for kind souls such as yourselves, and good luck to all of you in your futures and present. Let's Go State!
I'd like to take all the credit, my Joakim Noah advice did the trick I'm sure.
*Bows* Thank you, thank you.
Seriously though dude, good luck with that specific endeavor and I hope it works out for ya better this time around!
Its late but I want to give my opinion. The only part of what she ever said to you that intersted me was "you should see other women" or girls or whatever... Point being, people say things for a reason. You might have resolved it by now, and if you are simply happy with that result do not read on..
but if you analyze things, follow on.
There can only be two reason she said what she said...
10% of the time she might have been testing you to see if you wanted to be with someone else... but put yourself in her position... would you tell her to see other men cause you wanted to test her??? probably not... What if she actually does?? What a stupid thing to do!
2. Some other guys started showing her interest and she bought into it.. Not saying she cheated on you, but the thought could be crossing her mind. She wants to off the relationship so she can feel these freedoms without hurting you or feeling guilty. You have to realize its alot easier for a girl to reel in other fellas compared to what you can do with the women.
Either way, honestly she probably really does want to be with you, but if the reason this happened was the second one its unlikely to just disappear, even with the threat to break up, it will either keep reappearing or else she probably will just cheat.
I wont tell you what to do, but if it was me I would have offed the girl and went for someone she knew so she would know how seriously dumb she was for starting the complication in the first place. Anything she suggests to you is probably a good indication of what she is feeling herself. Follow that logic, unless your in love, then trust your heart. If you trust your heart realize you are blind... and prepare for the possiblity of driving off a cliff, it very well could happen.
I might be a psych major.....
Look out for yourself. Nice guys finish last.
but if you analyze things, follow on.
There can only be two reason she said what she said...
10% of the time she might have been testing you to see if you wanted to be with someone else... but put yourself in her position... would you tell her to see other men cause you wanted to test her??? probably not... What if she actually does?? What a stupid thing to do!
2. Some other guys started showing her interest and she bought into it.. Not saying she cheated on you, but the thought could be crossing her mind. She wants to off the relationship so she can feel these freedoms without hurting you or feeling guilty. You have to realize its alot easier for a girl to reel in other fellas compared to what you can do with the women.
Either way, honestly she probably really does want to be with you, but if the reason this happened was the second one its unlikely to just disappear, even with the threat to break up, it will either keep reappearing or else she probably will just cheat.
I wont tell you what to do, but if it was me I would have offed the girl and went for someone she knew so she would know how seriously dumb she was for starting the complication in the first place. Anything she suggests to you is probably a good indication of what she is feeling herself. Follow that logic, unless your in love, then trust your heart. If you trust your heart realize you are blind... and prepare for the possiblity of driving off a cliff, it very well could happen.
I might be a psych major.....
Look out for yourself. Nice guys finish last.
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