*****Official Father's Day 2019 Dad Joke Thread*****

[CYEATHAWK]

Name of author for the book "Tracks in the Sand":

Peter Dragon

 

[EnkAMania]

What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.

 

[CySmurf]

Kid: I'm bored, there's nothing to do.

Dad: Read a book about anti-gravity. You won't be able to put it down.

 

[CySmurf]

I use to work for a company that makes calenders...
...they fired me for taking a day off.

 

[Gomer80]

Where do one-legged waiters and waitresses work?

IHOP

 

[CySmurf]

My son...singing Bohemian Bohemian Rhapsody in the car...poorly.
Dad:Who sings this?
Son: Queen, Dad.
Dad: Let's keep it that way. ;-)

 

[nfrine]

Need some Floppy Show jokes here. These were jokes the kids would tell Duane Elliott. I'll start with the alltime favorite.

Q: What's the biggest can in the world?
A: Canada

I'll end with the one that almost caused Duane to faint.

Q: Why is sex like a snowstorm?
A: You never know how much you're going to get.

I am sure some dad set the kid up with that joke. And I am sure some mom probably
beat the crap out of dad for doing it.

 

[cyowan]

As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,












"You know, one would have been enough."

 

[cyowan]

What'd the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam

 

[MeanDean]

Why do Eskimos take a bath in Tide?

'Cause it cold out-tide.

 

[Ozclone]

Why don't dinosaurs talk?



Because they're all dead.

 

[AgronAlum]

Kind of related but I laughed way too much at this progressive commercial.

 

[Tony Gunk]

How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
Plug its nose.

How do you keep a bull from charging?
Take away its credit card.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

What's the best way to catch a squirrel?
Act like a nut.

What's the best way to catch a fish?
Have someone throw it to you.

I'm here all week, folks...

 

[shagcarpetjesus]

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom?

Because the p is silent.

 

[mb7299]

what do you call cheese thats not yours? Nacho cheese

 

[brycy]

Did you hear about the Indian that drank 10 gallons of tea?

He drown in his own tea pee.

 

[SayMyName]

What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?




Its butt!

 

[80sClone]

My parrot just died. I'm really upset about it but it's taken a huge load off my shoulders. .

 

[cyrocksmypants]

Scientists determined diarrhea is hereditary. Apparently it runs in your jeans.

 

[cyrocksmypants]

I have a joke about pizza, but it’s really cheesy.