What an absolute trash mindset by whomever told you that. Jesus Christ these people are so unfit to lead.
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- Thread starter pfgemployee
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What an absolute trash mindset by whomever told you that. Jesus Christ these people are so unfit to lead.
Does this company claim to be a family friendly company? If you're up to it, you can say that they're not very family friendly, especially after that comment you just received.
Our company has maintained flexibility with hybrid and WFH arrangements while our competitors have required RTO. We’ve found it’s been a major selling point in recruiting and retaining employees.
CycloneErik
Well-Known Member
Are you saying that the cream doesn't rise to the top?
I’m very much a “secure a new position before quitting” mindset, but it would’ve taken a lot of energy for me to not walk out on the spot after hearing that.
No, they do not claim to be family friendly. I will say, in every review I've ever had, I've been exceptional. This is a new job at a new company, so it's my first review.
This review was so bad, my boss and I scheduled a follow up meeting. When I brought up the comments made about hours, my boss flatly denied that anything was said regarding hours. It was bizarre. Best I can figure is my boss realized we might have been entering lawsuit territory since there is no documented expectation of hours for my role.
I just...........there's so many LAYERS to that trash heap of a comment. To how they probably have quite the motherhood penalty pay gap to how there's probably resentment from childless workers expected to sacrifice vacation time over the holidays to "those with kids", to likely **** parental leave, to a culture of overwork and pride in working sick/not using PTO and on and on. There is so much toxic attitude that ultimately reduces profit and productivity in that one statement that I can't even.
Very much a secure a new position situation before quitting situation
It's really a secure a new position situation
Especially since the manager is now trying to walk it back and deny. Red flags all over the goddam place
if I were to put a finger on it, it's that he used your status as a parent as a reason. If you were a woman that he made that comment to, that is 100% danger danger territory by them because it's walking into protected class. I'd be hyperventilating if I were HR hearing that said to a woman. Depending on your employer (federal?) and state, the protections for family status as a protected class differ. And I'm pretty sure I've read it correctly that you are a man.
I appreciate the validation. I was in shock when those words were spoken. This was virtual, so the person probably couldn't read my body language after that. I was already having doubts about this job, then that comment was spoken and the switch flipped mentally "Ok, I'm done here. Now it's time to find something else."
I decided to pursue some part-time coursework at my own behest. I did not inform my boss because I'm not asking for company time or reimbursement for the coursework. I decided to share this in my review to show how I'm taking initiative. This is rich...my boss sh*t all over the idea because "that doesn't help the company" and then has the gall to tell me one of my goals should be "personal development."
Trust me, I wanted to. The momentary satisfaction would have been immense. But I'm the sole breadwinner and I know the pain that would cause my family. So, my position is "F you. I'm going to do the bare minimum until I can find a new gig. And I will have zero sorrow for the pain you will endure once I'm gone because all my work will fall back on your (my boss) lap."
CycloneErik
Well-Known Member
Yeah, there are not many places to go.
I've been down $2500 from one job this year. The # of places to even try to escape to has been radically dwindling all year.
Looks like there is potential for that to be an issue again, so I'm energetically looking for ways to turn my multiple jobs into one that fits our situation and pays something worthwhile before we start getting "friendly" notices from folks we'll owe again.
Yeah, you're onto something. Several people in my professional circle have told me what was said was "lawsuit territory." That's the only explanation that works because my boss flatly denied saying any of it in our follow up meeting. "Oh no, no, I would never dictate hours to someone. I'm not in the business of tracking how many hours someone works, I want them to tell me how many hours they want to work and then we fit that into the company."
I wouldn’t have either, but would not have been in a good mental state after hearing that from a supervisor.
If worst came to worst, an onlyfans account could’ve brought in some money for your family in the interim
Yeah there's a couple problematic things because I assume you are salary and so then assigning specific hours to that is questionable but I really think the telling you to choose between success at the company vs being a father/husband is very orange flag language. Actually if he commented on status as husband in addition to father, that's another potential flag. I don't know that Iowa protects against marital status but MN does.
Again, imagine telling a woman to pick between being a wife/mother and being able to succeed at the company. Of course that kind of **** happens everyday and goes unaddressed but doesn't change that it is wildly inappropriate and dancing on discriminatory.
If you wanted to be a pot stirrer, you could email him with a recap of the convo (cc personal) as an agenda type setting for the next meeting. Saying "one of the things I'd like to gain clarity on is the remarks you made on 12/8/23 regarding the fact that it is expected that I work 60-80 hours to advance at this company" and how that relates to being a husband and father/how it aligns with your current job description. I'd probably word it slightly less outright and make it a very "I'm just a simple man trying to understand" angle.
That's definitely throwing a grenade but it's an option to get this **** on record if you plan to stay long enough to see a promotion withheld over not working 80 hours.
I'm 100% WFH, so this meeting was virtual from my home office. Once the meeting was over, I walked downstairs and told my wife what was said and "I'm going to start looking for a new job immediately." Pretty easy to get my spouse on board when I'm asked to choose family vs job.
Thankfully, I'm in a good profession (engineering) but it's not a great time of year to be job searching. I've got some irons cooking (one even thanks to CF!) but people aren't making any hiring decisions in the next month, most likely.
I am grateful I don't feel at risk of being fired at the moment. I think my boss knows things would get even worse if I were to be gone.