About to have our first child... what do I do in the hospital?

[cyfan964]

My wife is due with our first child in about a month. I somehow talked her out of the classes, as she's a nurse, and I didn't want to go. She is completely prepared and knows what she is doing. I have no clue. I grew up on a farm and pulled a lot of calves... more or less the same thing right?

She bought me a book I was supposed to read... I sometimes fake like I'm reading it when she comes in late from work, but I haven't read a page.

This is where you all come in. Tips, pointers, and definite DO NOTS are appreciated. I'm also a big fan of humor so feel free to throw that in too if you want.

 

[Bret44]

My wife is due with our first child in about a month. I somehow talked her out of the classes, as she's a nurse, and I didn't want to go. She is completely prepared and knows what she is doing. I have no clue. I grew up on a farm and pulled a lot of calves... more or less the same thing right?

She bought me a book I was supposed to read... I sometimes fake like I'm reading it when she comes in late from work, but I haven't read a page.

This is where you all come in. Tips, pointers, and definite DO NOTS are appreciated. I'm also a big fan of humor so feel free to throw that in too if you want.

Leave that OB Chain at home.

 

[GTO]

The BodeClone of parenting.

Why would you not want to go to the classes?

 

[ISUAgronomist]

Do whatever she tells you. (Also ask the nurses)

DO NOT tell her that baby is wrecking her lady parts forever more than a few times

 

[CtownCyclone]

Should have gone to the classes. Your wife may be a nurse, but once the kid comes out, her brain won't work right any more. You'd be amazed at how what you read in the book or learned in the class ends up as what she tells you she's doing with the sprout.

 

[CtownCyclone]

Do whatever she tells you. (Also ask the nurses)

DO NOT tell her that baby is wrecking her lady parts forever more than a few times

The plus side of having a baby so large that a C-section is required...

 

[ISU42]

OP is going to be an excellent father.

 

[cowgirl836]

Leave that OB Chain at home.

dammit, you beat me to it.

other things not to do:

"I just want to poke its tongue"

"looks like the feet are there"

"should I call the vet?"

 

[Bret44]

Also, make sure you mention multiple times that a first parity heifer doesn't make as much noise as she is. It will comfort her.

 

[ISUAgronomist]

The plus side of having a baby so large that a C-section is required...

C-section family here too. :yes:

 

[cowgirl836]

Also, make sure you mention multiple times that a first parity heifer doens't make as much noise as she is. It will comfort her.

and that their labor usually takes longer than multiple parity cows.

 

[CarlHungus]

Make sure the doc gives her an extra stitch per Charter

 

[cmjh10]

My beef professor would talk to the doctor and ask how everything was going to work. He then proceeded to compare that to cows. Apparently his wife didnt like that. So my advice is do not compare any of it to any animal birth?

 

[SDClone]

Depends if and when she gets the epidural. Before the epidural, be ready to walk around the maternity wing to help with the labor process. After your wife gets the epidural she will be stuck in bed, so get used to sitting around watching tv, playing on the computer, phone, or your iPad or tablet. Take some walks around the hospital. going to be long days, especially if your wife is going to breastfeeding feed, and if so its good preparation for getting up many times in the night to feed.

 

[cowgirl836]

in all seriousness, idiots have been having babies for thousands of years, so I'm sure you'll do fine even if you didn't read the book.

 

[Rabbuk]

I have been told that babies don't bounce. So watch out for that.

 

[Muzzy]

My wife is due with our first child in about a month. I somehow talked her out of the classes, as she's a nurse, and I didn't want to go. She is completely prepared and knows what she is doing. I have no clue. I grew up on a farm and pulled a lot of calves... more or less the same thing right?

She bought me a book I was supposed to read... I sometimes fake like I'm reading it when she comes in late from work, but I haven't read a page.

This is where you all come in. Tips, pointers, and definite DO NOTS are appreciated. I'm also a big fan of humor so feel free to throw that in too if you want.

It's like I'm talking to myself 10 years ago. My wife is also a nurse, so I figure she knew everything about childbirth and I also grew up on a farm and have pulled calves as well.

Everyone told me stand close to her head not her feet. Since you're a farm boy, curiosity will get the best of you and you'll have to look down there. I did too.
This won't ruin you, trust me.
Good luck!!

 

[jdoggivjc]

1. Keep your mouth shut.

2. Do everything your wife says (except kill her, kill yourself, in fact, murder together off the table)

3. Don't be the ***** that has to videotape the miracle.

4. Don't take anything your wife says seriously while she's in labor.

 

[Gonzo]

You don't need a book. But seriously, above all else, stay north of the equator.

 

[CarlHungus]

Make sure you have everything in line for insurance ahead of time. I've never had a kid (that I know of), but my cheap *** worries about those kind of things