Kids - School Grades

[Jeremy]

Our oldest is in 7th grade this year, the first year they actually assign letter grades. Before, it was just the fall, winter, spring standardized testing results.

How do you/did you approach balancing a push for good grades with just doing their best? What were suitable grades for your kids?

Our kids are incredibly intelligent but struggle with ADHD, Anxiety, Depression so there's a bit of a balance act we have to figure out and just realized as the first grades came in that we hadn't figured that out yet.

 

[carvers4math]

I guess my question would be do the grades line up with what standardized testing has shown?

 

[CycloneErik]

It depends. I've worked hard to let ours now that mistakes are OK. We've found that we all make them, sometimes the computer glitches and one gets missed, and it's all right.

I figure if she's doing her best, I'm fine with it. If not, I'm not. But her doing her best is pretty incredible, so the grades just follow along with that. Sometimes her languages drop a little (like into the 80s), but that's just a normal thing. I really can't complain about those scores.

So it's pretty much both here, with a focus on accepting mistakes, sometimes learning from them, sometimes just accepting that it's fine.

 

[isufbcurt]

I'd tell them what the requirements are for getting into college and tell them that's what they need to get. Anything more than that is gravy, but I prefer they enjoy their time being a kid.

 

[Jeremy]

I guess my question would be do the grades line up with what standardized testing has shown?

That's part of our struggle. He was off the charts on the standardized testing and always a perfectionist, but this year has taken a more passive attitude and I think it's evident. I mean a B isn't bad, but he's capable of much better.

 

[Tre4ISU]

That's part of our struggle. He was off the charts on the standardized testing and always a perfectionist, but this year has taken a more passive attitude and I think it's evident. I mean a B isn't bad, but he's capable of much better.

I think it would be impossible for anyone here to give you any sort of knowledgeable advice without knowing the specifics of the mental health struggles you've noted. Sure, I can say I don't think it helps mental health to allow for grades below the kids ability but I don't know that. I do think generally that accomplishment helps those things but I don't know if that applies to your situation.

 

[Clark]

Our children haven't reached that point yet but I'd use it as a benchmark since the grades don't really count until you get to highschool.

Now is the time to try different things to see if they help (need to alot alone time with one of the parents to discuss a class each night, more study time, discuss test taking strategies, etc)

In highschool and below, if you just show up everyday and do your best you're going to get a c at minimum assuming of course no learning disabilities.

Above that line really depends on the child and the subject. If your child is smart and a subject you know they know well, the expected grade should be an A. If it's a subject you know they struggle with, a B- could be a good score.

 

[3TrueFans]

If they're not putting in the effort that's a no no. From my experience with my oldest son, most teachers will give kids every chance to succeed as long as they are obviously putting in the effort.

 

[carvers4math]

That's part of our struggle. He was off the charts on the standardized testing and always a perfectionist, but this year has taken a more passive attitude and I think it's evident. I mean a B isn't bad, but he's capable of much better.

I think that’s worth a low key chat. Seventh grade is a year with everything changing a lot, both with school itself and the kids physically.

Is he doing fine with new kids? Is there a particular teacher that he struggles with?

Assuming you have an online grading system, how are grades broken down? Is there some squishy classroom participation component?

A lot of schools seem to have an issue with how they grade boys. Is there a prejudice that boys are a bigger behavior problem?

One of my boys had a terrible ninth grade teacher that couldn’t handle her classroom. She was just going to put all of the boys in detention and then made an exception for my son and another teacher’s son.

Except for years when our boys were in school and one other family with smart boys, the vast majority of kids graduating in the top 10% in our district are girls. Why is this?

 

[KnappShack]

I'd tell them what the requirements are for getting into college and tell them that's what they need to get. Anything more than that is gravy, but I prefer they enjoy their time being a kid.

You're on to something.

High school kids are in there 7 hours. If they play sports or extra curricular activities they have practice/training/game (with travel) on top of the school day.

Now let's do a few hours of homework for fun or have a part time job at Hy-Vee on top of it all.

I'm not there yet. The kids are too young, but that is a full day of work described above. Not sure how we'll handle it.

 

[BryceC]

You're on to something.

High school kids are in there 7 hours. If they play sports or extra curricular activities they have practice/training/game (with travel) on top of the school day.

Now let's do a few hours of homework for fun or have a part time job at Hy-Vee on top of it all.

I'm not there yet. The kids are too young, but that is a full day of work described above. Not sure how we'll handle it.

My oldest is in 7th and quite frankly he's already putting in full days. Leave the house by 7:45, get picked up at 4, sports usually until 7:00 or so, then he has some homework to do. He likes it but it's long days.

He's an excellent student and he is smart so my expectations for him are going to be pretty high. Of course you can make mistakes but let's be real, most of the time if you are smart and you just get the work done you're probably no lower than a B.

 

[isufbcurt]

High school grades get you into college that's it. So just do what you need to to get in to college. You have the rest of your life to work 8+ hours a day so be a kid while you are a kid.

 

[carvers4math]

You're on to something.

High school kids are in there 7 hours. If they play sports or extra curricular activities they have practice/training/game (with travel) on top of the school day.

Now let's do a few hours of homework for fun or have a part time job at Hy-Vee on top of it all.

I'm not there yet. The kids are too young, but that is a full day of work described above. Not sure how we'll handle it.

High school is absolutely a meat grinder. Activities, homework, advanced coursework, etc. Ours all lifeguarded in the summer but didn’t work during school year. Still there were school nights they would be up until 2:00 am doing homework.

 

[BryceC]

High school is absolutely a meat grinder. Activities, homework, advanced coursework, etc. Ours all lifeguarded in the summer but didn’t work during school year. Still there were school nights they would be up until 2:00 am doing homework.

Honestly I wouldn't let them do that. There is a line I think we don't need to cross homework wise. Get your stuff done as best you can, get to bed at a decent time, and be ready to do it again.

 

[BryceC]

High school grades get you into college that's it. So just do what you need to to get in to college. You have the rest of your life to work 8+ hours a day so be a kid while you are a kid.

Honestly I don't care about the grade, I want them to form habits around schoolwork. Nothing crazy, I don't think kids should be doing 3-4 hours of schoolwork a night.

I didn't need to do homework in high school, I could skate by. College was extremely difficult for me.

 

[CycloneErik]

Honestly I wouldn't let them do that. There is a line I think we don't need to cross homework wise. Get your stuff done as best you can, get to bed at a decent time, and be ready to do it again.

I didn't even do that for college or grad school. I just picked up ways to be more efficient.
I love to study more than most, but I'm not destroying myself over it.

 

[pourcyne]

I would suggest steering the focus off grades and being more interested in what skills the child is learning...what is fun and new for him or her, what s/he thinks of the topics being discussed and why s/he feels the way s/he does about such topics. That kind of parental interest is invaluable to children as they become independent learners without the external motivation of a GPA.

 

[ZRF]

That's part of our struggle. He was off the charts on the standardized testing and always a perfectionist, but this year has taken a more passive attitude and I think it's evident. I mean a B isn't bad, but he's capable of much better.

I'd judge the effort, which is really the only thing the child can theoretically control. They can't control the quality of the teachers, their god gifted aptitude, or if they get nervous during tests. But they can control the effort they put forth to get the grades they get.

We have 3 kids and they are all a little different. The boy probably has the highest ceiling (god given aptitude) but also has the highest levels of ADHD. If he's interested in something he will put forth effort but if he's not he does everything half-assed. He also rarely brings work home.

Another has the second highest aptitude and is also, to her benefit, the hardest natural worker of the 3. She's an overachiever because she works hard at things, cares, but also takes things too hard when she "fails".

The third has the lowest academic ceiling and is in the middle when it comes to effort. It takes a lot of patience, especially with math, as she will never be Albert Einstein. It will always take her longer to complete something as she's not a "fast worker".

When child #1 struggles it's usually because the subject matter is hard and she has difficulties understanding something. When child 2 struggles it's usually because he's not putting in the effort or time. With number 3 it can be both but it's usually because she doesn't get something. Guess which child we are routinely the "hardest" on? Number 2, because he leaves a lot of results "on the table".

 

[KnappShack]

Honestly I wouldn't let them do that. There is a line I think we don't need to cross homework wise. Get your stuff done as best you can, get to bed at a decent time, and be ready to do it again.

Didn't we all do that at some point? Mine was almost always self inflicted as my procrastination hand is strong.

But I don't really see any benefit to the student. Having a schedule that busy doesn't leave room for just growing as a person and enjoying ******* life.

Do we remember more about the class work or the time learning outside of class?

 

[carvers4math]

Honestly I wouldn't let them do that. There is a line I think we don't need to cross homework wise. Get your stuff done as best you can, get to bed at a decent time, and be ready to do it again.

You need to start letting them make their own decisions at some point because they are only a year or two away from doing that anyway unless you plan on being a helicopter parent.