Recieved this email today. It's a pretty good parody from the movie A Few Good Men. Jack Nicholson's character played by Roger Clemens.
Clemens: You want answers?
Congressman: I think I'm entitled to them.
Clemens: You want answers?
Congressman: I want the truth!
Clemens: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has
baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who's gonna
do it? You? You, Congressman? I have a greater responsibility than you
can possibly fathom. You weep for steroids and you curse HGH. You have
that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH,
while illegal, probably sells tickets. And my existence, while grotesque
and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets...You don't want the truth.
Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want
me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like fastball,slider, split finger...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent playing a sport. You use 'em as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls asleep to
the Sportscenter clips I provide, then questions the manner in which I
provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way.
Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and dig in. Either way, I don't
give a damn what you think you're entitled to!
Congressman: Did you order the HGH?
Clemens: I did the job you sent me to do.
Congressman: Did you order the HGH?
Clemens: You're godamn right I did!!
Clemens: You want answers?
Congressman: I think I'm entitled to them.
Clemens: You want answers?
Congressman: I want the truth!
Clemens: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has
baseballs. And those balls have to be hit by men with bats. Who's gonna
do it? You? You, Congressman? I have a greater responsibility than you
can possibly fathom. You weep for steroids and you curse HGH. You have
that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HGH,
while illegal, probably sells tickets. And my existence, while grotesque
and incomprehensible to you, sells tickets...You don't want the truth.
Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want
me on that mound. You need me on that mound. We use words like fastball,slider, split finger...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent playing a sport. You use 'em as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and falls asleep to
the Sportscenter clips I provide, then questions the manner in which I
provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way.
Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a bat and dig in. Either way, I don't
give a damn what you think you're entitled to!
Congressman: Did you order the HGH?
Clemens: I did the job you sent me to do.
Congressman: Did you order the HGH?
Clemens: You're godamn right I did!!